Tuesday, December 26, 2006

1,087 miles from Graceland

That's right: I traveled 1,087 miles to get home for the holidays. It's a good thing I love my car because this was perhaps the most unenjoyable road trip I've experienced thus far. A trip that expanded over 3 days and 14 hours on the road in terrential downpours throughout eastern Tennessee and all of Virginia made me about want to drive into a ditch numerous times. Thank God the great commonwealth of Virginia has a Sheetz and a Dunkin Donuts at just about every exit because that made it all the better when I needed to stop the driving madness.

I am going to do this all again, hopefully without the rain, on Friday of this week to head back to Elvis-land. Good thing cousin Jen will be there to entertain me - should be a blast.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

I am an Anti-Dentite.

If you are an obsessive Seinfeld fan like yours truly, then you know immediately what the title of this post refers to. If you're not, here's some commentary from the show itself:

JERRY: Kramer, he's just a dentist.
KRAMER: Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite.
JERRY: I am not an anti-dentite!
KRAMER: You're a rabid anti-dentite!

Like Jerry, I am an anti-dentite.

The fact of the matter is: I HATE GOING TO THE DENTIST!

The dentist is my least favorite doctor to see on a yearly basis. In fact, I would rather see my gynocologist monthly than see any dentist once a year. Most women would disagree with this statement, but this is how I feel.

I strongly dislike the dentist. The truth remains that everything about a dentist visit, even if you like your dentist, is just flat out uncomfortable. Everything about someone jabbing things at your teeth and your gums and shoving their fingers in your mouth disturbs me. I hate the taste of plastic gloves all over my mouth. I hate the jabbing and the picking at my teeth and gumline. I hate the floride grossness on my teeth. I hate the suction tube that sucks the life out of my gums. I hate all of it.

I don't even like the free toothbrush as a reward for suffering through the discomfort.

Yesterday, I had to go to the dentist for the first time this year because I really needed my yearly cleaning. So, being that I have health insurance, I picked a dentist from the book listing having no information.

This is what we call Stupid Move #1.

My karma in this sense was completely off. I drove into a sketchy parking garage and hiked to the dentist's office. The smell alone was enough of a sign that I should have turned around, and walked immediately back to my car.

The receptionist was rude.

I had to wait 20 minutes after my appointment time to even get seated.

The hygenist took xrays, and shoved my head onto the bar.

The dentist couldn't pronounce my name and barely introduced himself to me.

The dentist spent 5 minutes rough-housing my mouth. He picked at my teeth about a thousand times harder than I've ever experienced. My gums starting bleeding sooo badly that gauze was needed. I believe this falls under the category of "absolutely unnecessary and ridiculous."

While he jabbed away at my mouth and then performed the cleaning (which was, by the way, not very effective and also very uncomfortable), he talked with the hygenist about some issue regarding another patient.

Still, at this point, he had yet to say anything to me about my xrays or my hygiene.

He abrubtly left, and the hygenist said, "I'll get you some mouthwash. Here's your toothbrush."

Um, OK.

So she handed me the stuff and then said, "Oh, by the way, you have 3 cavities so you need to make another appointment."

"Excuse me? That's interesting, as the dentist said nothing about that to me. And for the record, I've never had a cavity so I find that hard to believe."

"Well, make an appointment."

Well, kiss my ass, lady. I wouldn't come back here if my life depended on it.

So then I had to sit uncomfortably in the waiting room for the mean receptionist to get my chart and so I could pay my co-pay. She said, "You need to make an appointment."

I said, "Oh, I'll be sure to call you to do just that." (sarcasm noted)

I threw $10 at her and walked out.

The fact still remains that I am, indeed, an anti-dentite.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Easy like Sunday morning...

Recently (read: the last six months), I have come to significantly embrace all that Sunday is intended to be, a solid day of rest. In my former life roles as a student/grad student/intern, a large percentage of my responsibilities (including studying, cocurricular activities, and work duties) forced me to dedicate many a hour of my personal time to completing particular tasks. Sundays were pretty hard core days of work, rather than days of rest.

Since May, I have forcefully made a significant effort to win over Sundays as a day of pure rest and relaxation. I measure the success of this effort by the following criteria, what I am now going to refer to as my Sunday Commandments:

1. Thou shall sleep in as late as possible, particularly past 10am.
2. Thou shall not shower.
3. Thou shall spend as much time on one's couch as possible.
4. Thou shall not leave one's apartment/home for any reason.
5. Thou shall watch as many sporting events on tv as possible.
6. Thou shall only get up from couch to retrieve food from the kitchen or use the bathroom.
7. Thou shall contribute nothing to society.
8. Thou shall interact with other human beings as least as possible.
9. Thou shall do nothing productive.
10. Thou shall take at least one nap and go to bed as close as possible to the 12th hour of being awake.

Maybe I should rename these "The Laziest Human Being's Guide to Being a Waste of Flesh".

Regardless, I've waited a long time to do nothing on Sundays, and this is what I intend to do for as long as possible.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Bah! Humbug!

Typically, my friends and family refer to me as "Scrooge" during the Christmas season. I don't really like Christmas. I become easily bogged down in the madness that people make Christmas out to be, and thus, it leaves me wanting for less chaos and more serenity, much the reason why I looooove Thanksgiving - it's simple, there's no hullabaloo.

It's not that I don't like what Christmas stands for. The fact of the matter is, I like what it stands for - which is, in reality, the birth of Christ as his role in our great world. Jesus is the reason for the season, as they say.

It significantly bothers me, however, that the reason for Christmas gets lost in the ridiculous, overAmericanization/overcommercialization of the holiday. It also significantly bothers me that people stress and stress and stress some more about cookies, gifts, parties, etc.

I just don't understand why we have to make things soooo complicated. The holiday should be celebrated for the right reasons with the right perspectives.

And thus, I am trying really hard to not be "Scrooge" this year for Christmas. In fact, I spent a significant time yesterday working on my Christmas Cards. I sat at a local eatery for 2 hours writing, licking, stickering, and postaging my cards. The waiter even noticed when he said,

"Wow. You're really putting some effort into those."

To which I responded, "And I don't even really like Christmas."

It is worth the effort I guess.

The fact of the matter is this Christmas is going to be particularly hard on my family, as we attempt to celebrate without my grandfather for the first time. Maybe this is why I am trying extra hard not be "the mean one, Mr. Grinch" this year.

Who knows, really. Hopefully, though, I'll find some good memories to savor.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

It's Been a While...

I haven't posted on my beloved blog in quite some time. The fact of the matter is, really, that I haven't had anything all that interesting to think about and then write about - I guess I've hit a stalemate with my observations.

November was a pretty good month overall though, including some firsts.

1. Finally got to travel with one of the teams I work with for their tournament. It was quite the learning experience, I must say.
2. Took a whole week of vacation to spend Thanksgiving at home. This was good because normally I don't get home until late on Wednesday night and everyone else is already wasted except me, which is not really much fun. This year, however, allowed me to get drunk with everyone else, which was quite the fun.
3. First time I ever needed a connecting flight in Chicago O'Hare airport in which I didn't have to walk across the entire airport to find my plane. In fact, my connection back to Memphis left from the exact same gate I landed at from Harrisburg... shocker!

And finally, this was the first year in about seven that I didn't get ridiculously mad about "Christmas before Thanksgiving". If you know me well, you know this is my biggest pet peeve because I adore Thanksgiving and feel it gets overlooked by the ridiculous overcommercialization and stress of preparing for Christmas. I didn't even get that mad when I went to the mall and got bombarded by the Santa Claus at the photo booth. I guess I just wasn't in the mood to be angry about people's madness. So it's either that I lost my ability to be emotional or I was just too tired to care. Either way, I wasn't mad and that's probably a good thing.

Perhaps December will bring some good stories to share.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Quotable

"I refuse to be a rebound. I am not a basketball statistic." - Yours Truly

Monday, November 06, 2006

I am a real (bad) American.

It's true. I am a bad American.

I care about the future of this great country, yet I have failed to do my civic duty. In this gigantic election year with serious repurcussions for the make-up of our governing body, something I care deeply about, I have seriously failed not only myself, but my fellow Americans.

For months, I promised myself I would get my act together (and the necessary paperwork) and hike my ass down to the DMV to get a TN license, license plate, and become a citizen of the strange and bizarre southern, Bible Belt state I presently call home. Yet here I sit, months later, with only a PA license to speak of. Thus, I am still not a TN resident and cannot vote in this state.

Furthermore, while pretending to get my act together and become a TN resident, I ignored my home state, the great PA, because I was convinced I wouldn't need to still be a resident of PA. So, while shitting the pot on my new state citizenship, I failed to get registered to vote in TN and I failed to get my absentee ballot for PA. Not only can I not contribute to the TN vote, which is HUGELY important, I can't vote at all.

I

Hate

Myself.


I am a real (bad) American.


I hope the rest of you wonderful people did your part and are getting your butts to the booths to partake in the big vote tomorrow. I hope you have done, and are proud of, your civic duty.

Robert Putnam would be proud.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Take me out to the ballgame.

Singing "Take me out to the ballgame" during the 7th inning stretch is one of my favorite parts of any baseball game. Thank you, Major League Baseball, for taking this special moment away from me as I watch the World Series. I mean, do we have to sing "God Bless America" at EVERY game????? Seriously, what does God Blessing America have to do with the country's favorite past time? As I wrote about regarding my baseball experience on the Fourth of July, you don't have to believe in God to be a citizen of this country, let alone, to be a baseball fan. So I wonder, why do we have to sing this at baseball games?

I want my peants and cracker jacks, damnit, and I want them now!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Whiz Wit

Tonight, my taste buds were finally satisfied. I finally sampled the foods at South Philly Cheesesteaks, just off of Beale St. http://southphillycheesesteaks.com/index.html

I had an authentic cheesesteak, whiz - wit - mushrooms.

Soooooooo delicious. I mean seriously delicious.

Did I mention I followed that up with TastyKakes because they sell them there are well!

God, I love this combination.

One of the better food orgasms in the last few weeks.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

America Runs on Dunkin.

John Goodman tells us that "America Runs on Dunkin" is the latest slogan by my favorite donut delight dealer, Dunkin Donuts.

This slogan is misleading. You see, ALL of America does NOT run on Dunkin. Why? Because I am in America and depressingly, I am NOT running on Dunkin.

You see, Dunkin Donuts is not available here in the Memphis. The closest Dunkin Donuts is in Jackson, which is a good 80 miles away. The next closest one I know of is in Clarksville, which is a good 3 hours away. Occassionally, I visit these places or someone visits me and I get to devour my favorite donuts (blueberry cake), muffins (chocolate chip), hot chocolate or vanilla bean coolatta (depending on the time of year). These are moments in food consumption that bring me great pleasure and delight.

Dunkin Donuts was a staple food of mine through college. While there was no Dunkin Donuts in Oxford, OH, while I was in graduate school, there was one close enough that I could get my fill usually monthly. In Memphis, I often go months without my Dunkin Donuts. This is quite challenging for me.

On average, I crave Dunkin Donuts about 3 times a day.

Today is one of those days where I especially craved the Dunkin. It has become rather cold in Memphis for October. This morning, when I left my apartment, it was about 40 degrees. This is a great morning where a drive through of Dunkin Donuts for a disgusting-yet-delicious breakfast sandwich and some coffee would have suited me nicely.

Instead, I ate some cereal.

I just ventured out of the office on my break, and the weather is slightly rainy and dreary, a whopping 49 degrees. Again, another moment in which the Dunkin Donuts would have been delightful - a quick hot chocolate and a muffin perhaps to get me through the night of work.

Instead, I have a salad for dinner.

Tonight, it is a well known fact that I will crave the Dunkin. It will be colder when I leave and the hot chocolate/donut combo will be calling my name.

Sadly, I will go home and eat pretzels.

It is with sadness that I continue to live my life deprived of my weekly intake of Dunkin Donuts.

For those of you that have this great pleasure, I hope you realize how wonderful it is and how lucky you are. If you are one of those Americans who run on Dunkin, you are indeed privileged.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

You've Got Mail.

"He sent you an email about voicemail? Weird."
-Actual comment.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Captain Cranky Pants

Last night, I went to bed fairly early, mostly because I was tired but mainly because I was sick of being cranky.

I left work cranky, not for any particular reason just the general annoyance with listening to people whine and bitch at me all day long.

I went home to watch tv, and Wednesday night tv sucks for me, so this made me more cranky.

I talked to one of my four friends in Memphis and he reminded me of how much my social and personal life suck so that made me even more cranky.

I figured if I went to bed, I could wake up today and be less cranky.

I fell into a nice sleep and slept well, until a strange dream woke me up around 5am. I had this dream where I walked to a rather average size room and the only people in it were men who met one of the following categories:
a. someone I dated
b. someone I was infatuated with and wanted to date but wouldn't give me the time of day
c. someone I have a current infatuation with but could never date because I'd lose my job

Talk about weird. I don't really know what the point of this gathering was. I was too freaked out I think by the sight of the many males who have repeatedly rejected me over the years that I forced myself awake so as to avoid any REM-drama.

Let's just say, I woke up today feeling cranky.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Another year to wait...

The Phillies were eliminated yesterday from post-season play, thanks to wins by the Dodgers and the Padres. I am slightly devastated, I won't lie. I really thought this would be the year the Phillies would break the 13 year drought and actually make the playoffs. But, sadly, they fell short and I'll have to wait another year to see if playoff hopes will become reality.

I guess I'll have to root for the Detroit Tigers, thanks to the fact that I dislike and/or strongly despise every other team who will make the playoffs.

Sadly, this isn't how I hoped October would start.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Emotionally drained.

My "workout" today was physically draining. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am an out of shape fat ass who watches television; thus, trying to get back in shape is a physical challenge.

But as mentioned, I've accepted the physical challenge.

This new plan of mine is also emotionally draining because I suck. I am so out of shape, it's actually embarrassing to admit to a public audience. But, I think this public declaration of embarrassment will help keep me committed to getting back in shape.

In any case, as if my workout today wasn't emotionally draining enough, I just suffered through every pitch of the Phillies 14 inning ridiculousness of a ball game. I am so emotionally distraught over baseball, it's not even comprehendible in a logical world.

I can't even begin to describe the purely shameful display the Phillies put on. Don't get the wrong impression here; the Phillies actually won tonight's game by some purely magical stroke of luck. But it was absolutely brutal to sit through for 5 full hours. Not once did I change the channel in 5 hours. For 5 hours I suffered through error after error, bad pitch after bad pitch, stupid play after stupid play. Like I said, emotionally distraught.

I mean, watching this makes you wonder if the Phillies are trying to blow the Wild Card race. I just hope to God they get their multi-million dollar heads out of their butts and get their crap together to make a good go of it over the next 4 days. Then again, I'm not sure I can handle the roller coaster ride that is every pitch of every inning.

Who am I kidding? I'll watch. I'll say things like, "Find the plate, you whore" in regards to our multiple pitchers who blow multiple saves in one game. I'll scream my head off in agony. I'll pull at my hair. I'll throw the pillows. I'll jump up and down when we score. I'll scream my head off in glory. I'll carry on like a nutso lunatic. My emotions will carry me through.

Hey, no one says it needs to be pretty. It just needs to be.

Ah, comfy clothes.

I'm trying to get back in shape, which is quite the arduous task for my fat, lazy, tv-watching ass. Said effort began this past Monday. While I will not recount my absolute disgrace of attempting to work out, I will say that my shins have been sore since Monday. I did battle through the pain to work out again today, but it will take some time to adjust.

I woke up this morning tired and sore. This is when the shins started to hurt the most.

In my previous life as a student, this was a day I'd throw on my favorite red sweats, a hoodie and a hat and roll out to class. In my life as a "real person"/"professional", however, it would be inappropriate to show up to work in sweats and a hat.

So I opted for my favorite pair of linen pants - they're slightly larger than they need to be, but that's why I like them. They are comfy. And on a day like today, I needed comfy. I needed to pretend I was wearing sweats so I could take off my shoes and sit Indian style at my desk. It helped me battle through what has become my typical work day of listening to students whine and ask me stupid questions. Thank God for the comfy clothes.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Responsibility? What is that?

I have excellent parents. I realize this more and more every day, not only because I know they have supported me through everything I've done in my life, but really because I believe they are the main reason I am who I am today.

I know that if asked, my friends would describe me as someone who is funny, sarcastic and a good time to be around. But in all seriousness, I know they would describe me as a hardworker who's level-headed, dedicated, and determined. I attribute this to my parents.

My mom and dad raised me to learn how to think for myself and to be responsible - to try first to come up with a workable solution to a problem before I ask for help - to use my common sense and logical thought process to work out a problem, to be dedicated to solving it, and to be determind to work it out and learn from the process.

I find that as I work with the late adolescent/early adult population, being able to think for oneself and taking responsibility for oneself seems to be less of the norm nowadays. I'm starting to believe this is part of a larger American cultural issue where many a parent resort to "doing for" their children instead of helping their children "do for themselves". So when these children get to be college age and are on their own, they're so used to having things done for them that they can't do things for themselves and they don't want to take responsibility for their actions.

It's apparently too much work to think for yourself in 2006.

Now I know I am generalizing to a significantly large population, and I know that not every 19 year old can't think/do for oneself, but I have been overwhelmed with how many students I work with who fall into this less responsible category.

As I said to my brother earlier, I sometimes find myself thinking: "If I asked my parents that question, Dad would have kicked me swiftly in the ass." Now not literally, as my parents didn't resort to violence in parenting, but you get the point - he would have looked at me with the look of "Well, what do you think you should do?"

As a simple example, I remember once saying, "Dad, how do you spell ____?" and insert some word I couldn't spell. He'd say, "Carol, what does the dictionary say?" In other words, "Carol, get the dictionary and figure it out." I got the point. I never asked my dad how to spell another word. I had the knowledge and resources to do it on my own, and that's what he pushed me to do. I mean, it wasn't rocket science - I could handle it on my own.

When I told my brother earlier that I think Dad would have kicked me if I asked him some of the questions I get asked on a daily basis, he asked me "What questions?" so I gave him a few examples:

"Carol, can you cite this for me?"
"Carol, can you find my professor's website for me?"
"Carol, can you talk to my professor for me?"
"Carol, can you wipe my ass?"

I mean, seriously, that's how ridiculous some of the questions are.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but the frustration I feel lately with my students is driving me nuts. It makes me wonder how long I can keep fighting the good fight of trying to push these students to develop responsibility for themselvevs when I know I will be faced with utter ridiculousness on most days. Some people tell me I should lower my expectations, but I don't think asking less of people will serve them or me for that matter better in the long run.

I can't help but feel morally depleted in my endeavor as an educator. And that's really, really depressing...

Monday, September 25, 2006

It's a wild ride.

Ah! There's only one week left in the MLB regular season and my beloved Phillies are tied atop the NL Wild Card Race with the Dodgers. I can't take the suspense! I hope to God we can pull it out and make the playoffs - this will ensure October is much more interesting than it usually is regarding my sports teams and my viewing preferences in the sports world. Fingers are crossed, toes are crossed, and the rosaries are out - here we go, Phillies, here we go!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

She's funny and she's hott.

I'm talking about my roommate, Jessie.

On Friday, she had me in complete hysterics. Granted, I was laughing at her at her own expense, but she's just so funny sometimes. She was telling a friend of mine and I about her youth struggles with speech. She said, "When I was younger, I couldn't pronounce r's in the middle of words and I had to go to speech therapy." This happened to her in grades 7 through 9, not grades 2 through 5 like we originally thought. So we had a nice chuckle that she went to special classes to learn how to say words with r's in them, at the ripe age of 13 entering high school.

Later she told us that her best friend at the time had the name Laurel. Jessie couldn't pronounce Laurel so she called her "Lowell". Ha. Funny.

She also said her favorite game growing up was "Red Rover."

"Wed wover, wed wover, call Lowell right over."

HAHAHAHAHA. Funny times ten.

We keep giving her a hard time about this, not because we want to make fun of her, but because the irony is purely hysterical. I felt it necessary to share.


Last night, Jessie helped me witness a situation I've only previously seen on television and movies. We were at one of our favorite bars in Memphis with some of our favorite Memphis friends. Jessie had a rough night as MSU blew the game against Notre Dame and she's an MSU fan. In any case, Jessie was drinking more than she normally might. Now, Jessie is attractive. I know this because I live with her. I also know this because students at work repeatedly ask me, "Do you live with the hot counselor that works with basketball?"

Yes, yes I do.

Well, last night at the bar, Jessie got hit on.

Not just by a man. Not just by two men. But by two men and their girlfriends.

That's right. Two couples hit on Jessie. One of the men actually said, "My girlfriend wants to meet you. Please give me your number."

The look on Jessie's face was a priceless look - the "Oh my God, someone help me" look. But none of us did. We just watched, observed and laughed hysterically.

At the end of the night, my friend asked her, "Jessie, did you give him your number?"

Jessie said, "I gave him a number, but I can't say it's mine."

Ah, priceless.

Thanks for the memories and good times, roomie.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Double bag it...

and I'm not talking about groceries.


I pride myself on being an observant individual. I often find myself fascinated with the behaviors of people around me or random things I notice on a daily basis. I am intrigued by what may seem to be typical behavior to the common eye. My intuitive nature forces me to ask often the question, "Why?" or even, "Good Lord, WHY?"

I've worked at the University of Memphis for a little over a year now. Sometime over the past year, I noticed that many female students carry both a purse and a bookbag/messenger bag. I recently noticed this again, and still now, months after my first observation of this behavior, I am intrigued.

When I was in college, most females carried one bag to class.
~If you were of the higher society variety, you carried one of your many Vera Bradley bags.
~If you were of the lower level higher society variety, you carried a messenger bag.
~If you were of the "I don't really fit in socioeconomically at Bucknell but I get a scholarship and have some student loans" society variety, like myself, you rocked a book bag.

Regardless of what class you belonged to (or pretended to belong to), you rocked one bag.

That's right, uno.

So, I find myself curious as to why the female students at Memphis rock the bag and the purse at the same time? I wonder, what is so important in the purse that it cannot go directly into a Vera Bradley or a messenger bag or a bookbag? To my recollection, each of these types of bags have multiple compartments where one could easily fit those special items that go in a purse - wallet, cell phone, chapstick, tampon, keys.

So, I am perplexed. Why the separation? Can't we all just get along?

Friday, September 15, 2006

It's Been A While.

It's been quite a while since my last post, which is unforunate because a lot of interesting things have gone on in my life over the last few weeks. There's no theme to this post - just an assortment of observations regarding my life during this lovely month of September.

Let's see. For starters, the weather has been excellent as of late. It rarely rains here in the Memphis, but the hot box that is the south has decided to give our sweat glands a break. It's been quite nice to not break out into an intense sweat every time I walk outside. In fact, most mornings and evenings have been cool - those types of cool where you can rock jeans and a t-shirt and be comfortable sitting on your porch, drinking a captain and coke.

I can't say I've actually done that, but that's what I would have done had I not spent so much time at work the past few weeks.

Work has been pretty insane. I've been working a ton of long ass days, trying to help my students be better people. It's quite an intense job at times, I must say. At times over the past two weeks especially I've been pretty convinced I lead the weirdest professional life ever. I mean, I do some strange things in my job, like create a litany of methods for my students to be better students. It appears the big challenge in my job is figuring out how to uses as many spreadsheets and forms as possible to organize each student's academic life. It seems like most of this stuff they should figure out on their own, like the rest of us had to, but then again, I am an "easy button" according to my friends and I make their lives not only better, but easier, and who doesn't want that? Anyway, I digress.

I've been kinda bummed out about working so much. I have to work late two nights a week, Thursdays included, which means I will miss weekly episodes of Survivor. This depresses me, as it is my favorite show and I usually enjoy becoming obsessed with it.

Speaking of Survivor, on Wednesday, I went to a local watering hole, Alfred's on Beale St, and was interviewed for a casting call for reality tv. I told this very nice woman all about myself in 10 minutes. We had an excellent conversation about my job, my life, my love of Survivor, and, of course, why I'd be excellent for the show. We also talked about my episode of sleeping in a crime scene - infusing this into the discussion was clutch. I am currently working on my application for the casting agency and I hope to make a video to submit as well. This all fits into my recent desire to live life to the fullest, take some positive risks, and try things once, particularly to maximize my experiences here in Memphis but really, to maximize my life in general.

Speaking of firsts, there have been two other firsts in my life recetly. One of these first was that last week I took a sick day from work. I can't recall taking a sick day since summer 2001 at Cesari's Pizza when I literally couldn't get out of bed. It cost me my summer bonus, I recall, but sick days aren't typically things I participate in. I was battling a pretty nasty head cold, so I decided it best to spend the day on the couch, watching the Food Network and 6 episodes of SportsCenter.

The other first is my participation in Fantasy Football. A friend of mine put together a league online and I must say, I dominate. I crushed my opponent in week one and I led the league in total points, breaking 100 for the week. This week, I picked up T.O. in a trade - I despise him, but he fits nicely into my plan of eternal domination of the league. I can't take all the credit, as brother Joe has been quite the help.

Despite being sick for a week and battling madness at work, I've had some good time to read some interesting new books, watch college football, and support my students - things that are important to me in my daily existence. I've been attending a bunch of soccer games and I must say, I am really starting to enjoy soccer. It helps that I love working with the team and now I'm learning about this excellent sport. I keep wondering why I didn't do this sooner.

Today was an especially good day. I had a productive Friday at work. After work, I ate at Corky's with some friends - always a worthwhile dining experience. I als0 bought three new pairs of Reefs on sale - I am extremely pumped about this as I've wanted some new flip flops for quite some time. And tomorrow has a whole day in store for great weather, the pool and some football... what more could I want?

Sports, food, sleep - seems like the perfect weekend is in store.

I guess I must say, overal, life is good.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Road Rage

I have come to discover that the recurring "thing" that has most recently pissed me off more than anything is the utter disregard for driving regulations as practiced by Memphis drivers.

Memphis drivers, you are complete idiots.

I can often overlook the constant disregard for the use of turn signals, even though I value their use.

I can often overlook the awful bumper stickers I see that say "Follow Me To Wal-Mart", even though they make me want to bash the behind of cars who display them.

What I cannot overlook is the overwhelming number of drivers who make LEFT TURNS ON RED at some of the busiest intersections in the city. I am pretty sure someone is going to die because this keeps happening. People are idiots. I hate you, Memphis drivers. You are scum on the road.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

If I had a million dollars...

Recently, I re-discovered my love of the Bare Naked Ladies as I stumbled across their song "If I had a million dollars". In relationship to the lyrics of this song, as well as recent happenings in the lives of myself and some friends, I started thinking about what exactly I would do if I had a million dollars. Better yet, if I had more.

In reality, I know I would try to support my family with things they've never had, particularly my parents who have sacrificed so much to give me what I have - I'm thinking a new house wherever they want, fully equipped with all of life's needs, perhaps a new car and some sort of dream vacation. I'd pay off my brother's loans, help him get his own place, and treat him to something spectacular. I'd give some money to charity and then come up with a game plan of how to spend the rest of my life, including a trip around the world to the numerous places I want to visit.

In my dream fantasy of having a ton of money, I really would want to buy my own island. I know that probably runs more than a million buckaroos, but if I had whatever it takes, I'd do it. My island would be a happy place, where Captain and Cokes and Italian cuisine reigns supreme. I wouldn't have servants or anything crazy; instead, I would invite any friends and family who so desired to live with me. As a collective, we would find a way to make good lives for ourselves in terms of supporting each other - we'd find a way to harvest foods, make delicious meals, and function as a functional society would (without all the b.s. of course).

The main point here is that I wouldn't work.

Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I love the students I work with at present and I currently can't think of anything else I'd rather do as a professional.

But the fact of the matter is that if I didn't have to work to support myself and function as a contributing member of society (i.e., a tax payer), I wouldn't. The general concept of work kinda sucks. Let's be honest. If you disagree, you're probably disillusioned to the ridiculousness of your work tasks on a daily basis.

So there you have it. If I had a ton of money lying around, my island would be up and fully functional.

The question is, will you be lucky enough to live with me?

Monday, August 28, 2006

Karma...

I believe in karma, both of the positive and the negative. In essence, I believe one should treat others the way one wants to be treated. Attempting to do good for others should eventually reward itself in positive karma, however that positive karma chooses to manifest itself.

For about a year now, I have come to believe that I am rewarded with positive karma as a driver. Memphis drivers suck - if you've read the blog, you have heard me comment about this. In the last 3 years especially, I have spent many a hour in my car on 8+ hour road trips. In my daily commutes around the city as well as these road trips, I have often escaped driving woes - I have never been in an accident and have never had to deal with the wrath of the police force. I seem to have a pretty good track record on the road. I am convinced this is where the positive karma manifests iteself in my life.

It's a fact that no matter how hard I try, I often exhibit behaviors that could essentially classify me as a first-rate asshole. I find pleasure, on occasion, in other people's pain. If you read the blog, or know me personally, you're well aware of this fact - I make fun of people where I deem it essential to do so. I'm pretty convinced this is the reasoning behind the negative karma that manifests itself in my life.

I seem to experience negative karma in various ways. A few examples:

1. Never in my life have I been the recipient of a deal in airfare and I have flown a ton over the past 3 years especially.

2. No matter how hard I work, I can't seem to accomplish all of my work tasks in an 8-hour day. I am averaging 10 or so as of late.

3. Items that I find I absolutely need at a certain point in time are never on sale.

4. My life is utterly hopeless when it comes to relationships.


It seems, then, that I can feel confident knowing that my positive karma will be rewarded on the road. And for the time I spend in my car, I would say that's a pretty good thing. But on average, say once a month or so, I'd like for my positive karma to drop something different in my life, like a cheap plane ticket home for a wedding or an occassional sale on the items I need or, and this is a stretch, perhaps a short-lived but worthwhile relationship at some point in the next year. That's not asking for too much, is it?

Well, maybe it is. I mean, you can't have everything, right?

But maybe if I stop making fun of people, I can get one of the above four examples to work out.

Then again, I'm not sure it's worth it. I like making fun of people too much.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

What planet are you on?

It's a sad day for Pluto. He's lost his mighty rank among the planets.

Apparently, the great scientists of the world feel it necessary to de-rank what we have come to know and love as planet number nine. Pluto is now considered a dwarf planet. I don't know what that means as I am not a scientist and never want to be. But my logic tells me if something's name includes the word "planet", it's still somewhat considered a planet. So I'm a little confused, but I digress.

In any case, I feel this is a sad day. I remember fondly back to 4th grade or so when we studied the planets. I remember because we learned the order of the planets by memorizing a crazy sentence where the first letter of each word coincided with the first letter of the planet's names.

My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Nepture, Pluto.

Excellent use of words this is. But now what? Now what will the setence read?

My very eager mother just served us:

nothing?

nectarines?

noodles?

I mean, it just doesn't seem right. What will 4th grade teachers do?

Better yet, what will we all do? 8 planets? It's just weird.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Always Low Prices...

Always low prices at Wal-Mart, the devil incarnated.

I despise Wal-Mart. I have felt this way for just around a year. I became fed up with the ridiculousness of this organization's terror on the entire world. In general, Wal-Mart pains me deeply for the following main reasons:

1. Wal-Mart sells cheap products. They are cheap because they are shitty. If you don't believe me, think about the last time you bought something you believed to be of quality at Wal-Mart at its low price. Chances are good within a few short weeks, the product failed. Chances are also good you went back to Wal-Mart and spent more of your good money on another shit product. This is how they suck you in. They make you believe it's worth the purchase b/c it's cheap. But in essence, they're selling you shit.

For sanity's sake, break the cycle. Get out while you can.

2. Wal-Mart has run mom and pop stores out of business. If you live in the ever wonderful small town America, chances are good you know of a family or two or twenty who had to close their businesses because people choose to shop at Wal-Mart for its cheap shitty products (see point one). Wal-Mart contributes significantly to the loss of identity of the American way of life - the ability of various people to earn a living doing what they love in a family business.

For sanity's sake, support mom and pop stores. Contribute to all that is good in earning the family dollar.

3. Wal-Mart treats its employees like dirt. This isn't the case for the higher ups and those up on the food chain, but it is the case for those people trying to make it in this world. Wal-Mart's higher ups get off on keeping their employees of working class in the working class. They fail to pay people a living wage. They fail to pay people for overtime. They force people into working long, shitty hours for nothing. The Wal-Mart organizational chain of command finds nothing unethical or erroneous in this. If you have any sense of decency, you'll research to learn that these are the facts. I'm not just making faulty claims; the proof is out there.

For sanity's sake, support organizations that treat people like people, not like cogs in a system.


I am pleased to annouce I am celebrating my one year anniversary of not stepping foot in any Wal-Mart store since last August. At wit's end, I try my hardest to support organizations who sell good products, treat their employees fairly, and stand for everything good about the working world. I urge you, fellow friends, that if you have alternatives, avoid the devil that is Wal-Mart. It seems appropriate in today's society.

I also urge you, that if you choose to continue to support Wal-Mart, you don't play your childish games of calling me on the the tele to say, "Carol, I'm going to Wal-Mart - do you want to come?" or "Carol, I can't wait to spend all of my money at Wal-Mart!" I do not find this funny or entertaining in any way. This is America, and you can do as you wish. I won't judge you for supporting Wal-Mart, but I urge you to consider what it is you contribute to when you purchase things there. If you need more information, I know of good sources - please inquire.

If you'd like to join me on my Wal-Mart sabbatical, I always love a group effort and I welcome your company.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

FYI: I hate FYI.

FYI. I hate the acronymn FYI.

FYI. I also hate when people send you emails with the subject "FYI".

FYI: I also hate when people send you forwards and all they contribute to the email is writing "FYI".

Obviously, if you are my coworker and you are emailing my work email, it is understood that what you are telling me is for my information.

I get it.

I like acronymns with a purpose, like BYOB.

FYI: I'm going to get a drink.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Biggest accomplishment since 1969...

According to Coleman, the fact that Wendy's now sells the Vanilla Frosty is the biggest accomplishment since putting a man on the moon.

(Man on the moon... some would say debatable.)

Wendy's just moved society forward 40 years.

Wendy's is going places.

It's only a matter of time until cars and skateboards fly. It's a world only Marty McFly could have dreamed of.

Doc Gooden is not a good business reference.

Actual conversation:

Coleman: It's a good thing I have off tomorrow.
Carol: Why?
Coleman: The girl I recommended for our open position failed her drug test.
Carol: Nice.
Coleman: I'm not sure how my boss will react.
Carol: Pot?
Coleman: Yeah. I wish. That would be easy to write off. It was cocaine.

Carol laughs hysterically.

Coleman: It's not funny.
Carol: You're right. It's not. (pause) No wait, it is.
Coleman: You're right. It is funny. (laughs)


How would you like to have to call your mom and say,
"Well, mom, I didn't get that 50,000$ clutch job offer."

"Well, why not, honey?"

"Oh, you know. Failed my drug test. Had too much fun with Pablo Escobar a little while back."

Sunday, August 20, 2006

K-Roger, Over and Out.

This evening, the roommate and I embarked to our closest Kroger, our favorite grocery chain, which happens to be in a ghetto-ish area of downtown Memphis. We tend to not go to this Kroger alone.

On our first visit there, a strange man followed us around the store but pretended he wasn't following us. He would grab a handful of items, walk away, and come back empty handed, only to repeat the process until we left. Creepy.

On this visit, three peculiar things happened. First, a man wearing your typical scrubs appeared to be shopping. Much like on our first visit, he would gather some items, walk around, but then come back empty handed. Maybe he worked there and was putting the items back on the shelves? Like I said, peculiar.

While we were perusing the frozen food items and contemplating a simple meal for dinner, a police officer came running past us. My roommate looked at me and said, "It's never good when a police officer is running down the frozen food aisle." I said that perhaps we'd be taken hostage right next to the frozen taquitos.

This situation shouldn't be taken lightly, however, as a couple of months ago, a man shot someone in a Kroger in another section of Memphis.

The third peculiar thing that happened occurred as I was picking out 1.6 pounds of ground beef, of the lean variety. Meat selection should also not be taken lightly - you can't mess around with the wrong meat. As I was choosing the proper package, a 25-ish man looked at me and said, "Maybe you should sniff it also." I was so taken aback by his presence and weird comment that I could only garner a small chuckle. What I should have said is, "Finding the right package requires more than a sense of smell."

Grocery shopping is serious business and always an adventure.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Bible Belt Billboard...

Today, I saw a billboard for Bellhaven Baptist Church here in the Memphis. It said:

"Giving up? Give it to God."


I think this would have been better if stated:

"Giving up? Give it up to God."


I love Jesus.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

You call that news?

It's nights like this that I realize why local news programs disturb me and I prefer the national news like the wonderful CNN. I feel strongly that the news on the national scale proves much more useful to my daily existence as well as my general knowledge. Tonight's local news proves this yet again.

First news story: Will the deal to turn the Pyramid into the Bass Pro Shops go through or will the Pyramid perhaps become a sound stage for movie productions?

For the love of anything holy, is this really the most important thing happening today in Memphis? Or in the world, for that matter?

Second news story: "Unexpected eyeful" was the title of this story, which described two females running naked through a Holiday Inn. This is clearly a big deal and should be taken seriously, according to the investigator on the case of locating these individuals.

Um, correct me if I am wrong but isn't Memphis one of the highest crime-ridden cities in the country? Apparently finding naked chicks is more important that fighting real crime like robberies and murders - I guess we're not disturbed by this year's high crime rates.

Third news story: Gun shots fly while people try to renew drivers licenses.

Well, I guess I won't be inheriting a TN license anytime soon. What do people have against drivers? Oh wait, Memphis drivers SUCK. Maybe this isn't so bad after all...


So there you have it. The first five minutes of local news. Clearly, a worthwhile use of my time.

AC 360 - here I come.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Quote of the day...

6 year old: "Dad, do you have a bottle of water in your purse?"
Dad: "No, son, I don't have a bottle of water. And remember, it's a man bag, not a purse."

Classic.

Quote of the day...

"And for the record, I think you should hang out with "particular student" and friends. . . I may not be a student affairs professional, but I think it would be great to be a professional at affairs with students."

Thank you, Susan.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Extra! Extra!

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I aspire to live a full life, composed of many great opportunities to enrich my life as well as to enrich the lives of others. I have many aspirations of places to go, people to see and things to do.

One of these aspirations is the respectable role of being an extra in a movie or tv show. I have no desire to ever be an actress; I just want my 2 seconds on film to do something random in the background of some show or film, so some savvy spectator can see me and say, "Look at that crazy extra!"

My lifelong dream of being an extra is right at my fingertips. Not only is a movie being filmed in Memphis, but two of the disclosed locations are literally just steps away from my humble abode.

The movie is called "My Blueberry Nights". We learned of this last night when we were waiting to catch the trolley to take us to Beale St. The Arcade Restaurant, which is right down the street, has been set up for a few days for shootings. We asked a few nice police officers what the situation was and the joker officer tried to tell us the movie was for the Food Network. My love and knowledge of the Food Network led me to believe he was lying. He wouldn't let us go onto the set, even when I told him my desire to be an extra. I don't think he was impressed.

Anyway, he did know the name of the movie but didn't know a whole lot about it. So like any inquisitive mind, I got up this morning and did some googling to figure out what the situation is.
You can read about the movie here, thanks to the Commercial Appeal.

The movie is about a woman who travels the country in search of the connection between food and love - starring Norah Jones, Rachel Weisz and David Strathairn. Um, anyone who knows me knows this is definitely the movie I need to be an extra in - a movie about the quest of love and food! I love the quest of love. I love food. Clearly, I can go sit in this restaurant and eat some pie in the background - hell, I'll pay to do that for sure!

Too bad Jude Law's character doesn't make an appearance here in Memphis. That would be hott.

So, anyway, this may be my chance - time to adjust this week's to do list.

Friday, August 11, 2006

ABC Family??

A recent email from my friend, Emily, regarding ABC Family Channel:

"so, as i sit an loaf for hours and hours/day, i noticed that abc family had changed it's slogan to "a new kind of family" higlighting that it isn't just pat robinson and the 700 club any more -- there's gilmore girls, wild fire, that summer wildfire show, and three moons over milford. they're hip, they're happenin' -- and they're clueless.

so, i know that some of you enjoy the james blunt (carol), and others (j and s) think that he sounds like a 65 year old woman. but, you're all familiar with the song "high"...clearly, it's about drugs. it's a pretty song, but the lyrics read "tomorrow starts with us getting high."

the brilliant marketers at abc fam thought that it would be the perfect song to go over the montage of "hip new" shows. brilliant.

abc family. we're hip. we get high."


Emily - always, always perceptive.



This was my response:

"abc family...

i have been skeptical about this channel for quite some time and it's NOT because i am not into the movies as are some people (e, s).

has anyone not noticed for the past year or so that abc fam frequently shows CRUEL INTENTIONS as it's sunday night film?! i tune in b/c i love this movie, but i do not believe it is appropriate for abc family channel.

james blunt loves to get high. perhaps the producers at abc fam do too.

is it just me or are a lotta things outta whack?"


Some sensational Friday observations.

Sibling IM fun...

How to make your work day more enjoyable....

Joe: who build the arc?
Carol: noah! noah!
Joe: who built the arc?
Carol: brother noah built the arc!
Joe: now didn't old noah build the arc, he built it out of a hickory bark
Carol: he built it long, wide and tall, plenty of room for the large and small

Just a fun little IM sibling bonding to spruce up your morning.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The 24-year-old trainwreck's guide to low self-esteem...

A quick and easy three-step guide to lowering your self-esteem:

1. Make complete idiot out of yourself in front of people who are expected to respect you in your professional work.
2. Consume copius amounts of alcohol in a short period of time, black out, puke in a highly public place, force other people to care for your well-being.
3. Express feelings to someone and get instantly rejected.

It's best if you make it a point to complete these three steps within a 24-hour period. Actually, the more they happen in due proximity of time, the better. Too much time in between does not guarantee your self-esteem will drop below your ankles.

Trust me. It's fool proof. You can't go wrong.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Beale St. 1, Carol 0

4:30pm: 1/2 bottle of wine, 1 captain and coke
6:15pm: talladega nights... the ballad of ricky bobby
(it was good i had a serious buzz going b/c it wasn't really that funny)

8:30pm-?? 6 captain and cokes at flying saucer, 2 hurricanes at pat o's

??? - puked. on beale st.

clearly, beale st. rises victorious. carol does not.

this marks moral victory minus 1 for said evening.

moral victory total of the evening: carol = -3 (and a solid -3).

j, s, e - please call.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Trump this.

If you get an invitation to attend the Maui Invitational with the basketball team you work with, and it's the same week as Thanksgiving at home with the family, what do you do?

Clearly, you go to Maui.

Obviously, this type of college hoops mayhem trumps any time with family.

While I reckon that football, food, and family is an excellent holiday, it surely can't compare to the Maui Invitational... especially when it's FREE.

A loving family will understand.

Hell, they'll probably want to hide away in your suitcase and go along for the ride.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

An eyesore for sure...

My roommate and I carpool most days to work. This is helpful because the quickest route takes us through a particularly sketchy part of Memphis. One morning while I was alone and waiting at a red light, a homeless woman came and stood by my window and was muttering a language I didn't understand. I like when we carpool. Strange things don't seem to happen as much.

Every day we turn from Crump onto Central Ave. At the beginning of this road on the right hand side are two high-rise apartment complexes, nothing out of the ordinary. Between them, however, is this really strange looking manor-type house.

One day, Jessie said, "What is that?" in reference to this building.
I said, "It looks like an old run down psychiatric home where they probably performed lobotomies in the 70s, like in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." (Seriously, I said that.)

For the past week or so, we’ve been wondering what this building is. Each day we made it a point to gather new information about it: it’s name is Ashler Hall and it says Castle on the front of it, for example.

Jessie, in her peak curiosity, found the following site. Click here, please.

This person apparently reports the history of this building, which is quite interesting. Read it to know what I am talking about. At the end of this webpage, the author writes:
“I do not know the current fate of this house.”

Well, dear lover of castles, the current fate of this house can be summed up in two words: shit bag.

Seriously, it’s a disaster. I kinda feel sorry for it because it apparently has a unique history. Maybe someone will save it from its despair. Until then, it will continue to be one of a handful of eyesores we have to look at on our daily commute.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

"No soup for you!"

Apparently, it is now illegal in the city of Las Vegas to give food to the homeless in city parks. You can't hand them a sandwich. You can't hand them a piece of fruit. You can't hand them anything. It is believed to take away from the beautification of the parks and the congregation of the homeless is said to lead to crime. You can read about it here.

This makes me a little irate.

Let's see. You can't offer someone a sandwich in a park but you can take a handout advertisement from someone standing every 10 feet on the famous Las Vegas strip peddling hookers. You can legally solicit a hooker to perform whatever sexual act you wish, but you can't give someone a piece of fruit out of the goodness of your heart.

This, in my mind, is messed up. Is it just me or is there something significantly wrong here?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

No news is good news.

My roommate Jessie said, "We're watching the news until they say something positive."

Tonight's highlights:
-a man confessed to committing 48 murders over the past 30 years.
-a murderer from Indiana is believed to be living in Memphis.
-a fake cop is pulling people over and telling them that he will let them go if they pay money on the spot (this is illegal... just ask the 60 year old man on a scooter who was pulled over)
-there is a parking scam at the redbirds parking lot.

Survey says, 9 minutes!

The happy news was that part of interstate 55 has a new name to honor Martin Luther King Jr.'s wife, Corretta Scott King, to go along with the part already named for him.

Clearly, 1 out of 5 stories is positive. Wow. What is the world coming to?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Coffeeshops, Aliens, and Susan... oh my!

My friend, Susan, a perpetual and dedicated reader of my blog, is currently finishing the writing of her master’s thesis. She has spent the last two months or so exploring many a coffee shop in the Cincinnati area in order to indulge in caffeine while working on the beast that is her thesis. Most days, Susan IMs me at work to tell me of a particularly interesting individual who just visited the coffee shop and does something peculiar, like Old Lady who was singing to everyone. Sometimes it may just be that they look peculiar, like the Elton John Look A Like or the 14-year-old Rob Thomas. Today, she was pleased to tell me the following story. I recount it here with our IM conversation, in her words and my reaction to the occurrence:

Susan: new story
Susan: these kids just walked in
Susan: like a 4 year old and 6 year old
Susan: and their mom is wandering around and they come over to me and sit on a big comfy chair
Me: nice
Susan: so the older one tells the brother that he is an alien
Susan: he knows this because the aliens went into the little one's head
Susan: and once they get in, they wrap themselves around your brain and make you an alien
Susan: FOREVER
Me: HAHAHAHA
Susan: so the little one says "get it out of my head"
Susan: so the older one starts hitting him on the head
Me: lol
Susan: and the little one thanked him
Me: can i put this on my blog
Susan: yes
Susan: that is actually how that happened
Me: Coffeeshops, Aliens, and Susan... oh my!
Susan: they are hiding behind a wall now
Susan: so i dont know what's going on
Susan: I wonder if the alien is coming out
Me: lol
Susan: the little one came back and sat down by me
Susan: i said hello
Susan: he is now playing with his sandles
Susan: making train noises. . .
Susan: he just kicked his brother
Susan: who told him the alien was trying to kill him
Susan: and hit him
Susan: mom just told them to stop
Susan: and as they walked out
Susan: the little one said "I'm telling you. I'm not an alien."
Me: lol
Me: thats priceless

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up. Children are priceless.

I wonder if this alien theory is true. I know some people who may fit the mold...

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

It's all good...

I am not a pet person. I am pretty sure it's because I didn't grow up with any pets. We never had a dog or a cat or an iguana or anything else people allow to run around their abodes. We did occassionally have some fish in a tank, but that doesn't count in my mind as a pet.

When I was a sophomore in college, my mom bought me a beta fish for my birthday. This was during the time when betas were a big deal, and they lived within bowls with pretty rocks and perhaps a plant as a roof. It may be a fact that some betas lived better than some people on this earth. They had a whole plant to themselves, what could be better than that?

Anyway, during this time, I was studying Italian. While I could read Italian well and understand the grammatical stuff, I couldn't speak it very well. I tried in class every day, but it was one of those classes where I was intimidated by the other students and didn't want to sound stupid. So I struggled in the daily lessons. I had an awesome professor, though, and he was always overly-encouraging when I was trying to speak the beautiful words. He would praise me by often saying, "Bene, bene!" or "Molto bene!" to let me know that I did a good job or made a good effort.

I told my friend in my class that my mom purchased me this beta fish, and I wasn't sure what to name it. The whole process of naming a fish seemed odd to me since this was not something I had ever done before. My friend suggested I name it something in Italian to honor the fact that I was studying the language. The best I could come up with was to name my fish, "Bene." It seemed appropriately because it was the only word I understood in any context and at any time.

My friends would often ask me, "Carol, how's your fish?" I enjoyed answering this question. Every time, I would respond, "He's good" because, in fact, he was.

How could he have been any different?

Monday, July 24, 2006

A broken heart...

Sports have a way of evoking every emotion. Moments during sporting events bring excitement, amazement, astonishment, anguish, pain, and heartache, among other things, and these experiences provide us with varying emotional feelings. In one game, you can experience a variety of emotional ups and downs - one minute, you're overcome with joy at your team's success, and the next minute, you've overwhelmed with frustration because of someone's foul-up in a clutch situation.

Since I live in the south, during baseball season, I most often only get to watch the Cardinals or the Braves, if I want to watch some hard ball. The fact of the matter is I'd rather watch the History of the Honeycomb on the Discovery Channel than watch the Cardinals or the Braves. I'm a Phillies fan, I always have been, and I probably always will be. I say probably because on an average of three times a week, I get so annoyed with the Phillies that I want to give up on them and root for another team. But that's how sports get at you - even when you want to let go, throw in the towel on supporting your team - you can't. You're so tied to the emotions of supporting them that you stand by them through the hard times, hoping that "next season will be our season." And so this is where I find myself. It's just not all that fun.

The past few days I've lucked out because the Phillies are playing the Braves, and thus, I get to watch them. On Friday, this was amazing because my favorite player, Chase Utley, increased his hitting streak to 22 games by knocking in the game winning run. Not only did I get to watch the Phillies (a rare occurrence), but I got to see them win, which is an even more rare occurrence. Anytime I can watch Chase Utley makes me happy - I can consider for one small second what it would be like to "round second base with Chase." Oh, the emotions...

Back on the subject.

Anyway, I got to watch the Phillies again last night. I watched every freakin pitch. They were something like 1 for 9 when runners were in scoring position. Clearly, this is not helpful, and I was frustrated. Then their closer, dumbass Gordon, comes in during the 9th inning and gives up a three run homer. This was the second game in a row he gave up a homer in the 9th. Way to blow the game, morons. It was at this moment that I screamed at the tv in pure frustration. My roommate can attest to the fact that I may have called the pitcher a "wench" as it seemed appropriate.

As I watched the game slip away from the Phils, I couldn't help but feel heart-broken. These millionaires break my heart when they fail to keep their shit together long enough to actually win some games more than sporadically. I mean, isn't that what they get paid to do?

And so it is again that the Phillies are on tv tonight and I have the choice to watch them. My faith in them is so weakened at present that I don't want to watch them. I don't want to watch them blow saves. I don't want to watch them lose because I don't want to be frustrated. But like any disdained lover, I'll probably watch with pure interest, and I'll set myself up to have my emotions wrecked from every angle, and my heart broken yet again by my team.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Office...

No, not the fantastic comedy on the television. The actuall office in which I work. Actual conversation at today's staff retreat regarding the use of a new system at work to ensure people are paid correctly for their time spent serving as easy buttons for our beloved students:

Boss (B): On the system, I am superuser.
Second in Command (SC): I am user, but also proxy so when you are away, I am superuser.
Office Coordinator (OC): I am acknowledger.
Counselor (C): Can I get power to be superuser for certain people, then you, Boss, can be proxy for that?
B: So when SC is away, she is proxy for that?
C: Yes. Then you only have to worry about full-time staff. I would deal with part-time.
OC: I just OK everything. I am acknowledger.
SC: What am I again? Proxy? When would I change?
B: OC, you need to find out if C can be superuser for part-timers and I have proxy. And then I am superuser for everything else and SC is proxy when I am away.
C: I think it's called queue.
B: I think you're right.
SC: What am I again?
OC: I am acknowldger. I click OK.
B: So we're all set? Let's see if that works.
Me: What the hell just happened?
Everyone else: Stares blankly. Some chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all.
Me: Did each of you just create these fake titles for yourselves or was that serious?
B: Oh, it's serious.
Me: Hmm. Do I need to know any of that?
B: No. Just enter your time correctly.
Me: OK. And by the way, you're all wacked.

Seriously, this was the conversation. Who comes up with this shit?

Monday, July 17, 2006

"Jesus freaks, out in the streets..."

Thank you, music master Elton John, for these most wonderful lyrics, appropriate for the topic at hand. Last year, around this time, the parental unit and I drove to the great state of Tennessee to locate and lease what would be my apartment for the year.

It was on this drive that my interest in Bible Belt related billboards and bumpter stickers was born - an interest that has since peaked to an extreme obsession with the magical wonder of professing one's faith for all to see. For the past year, I have honored the creativity of many a bumper sticker through the "Bible Belt Bumper Sticker of the Week" on my IM profile. Occassionally, I would throw in a sighting of a billboard, t-shirt, or people doing random things aimed at spreading the great word of Christ.

And so it is on this (close to a) year anniversary that I compile for all of my wonderful friends (some of whom have contributed their sightings) the list of Bible Belt Bumper Stickers (and a few other things). These are in no particular order - all are meant to enjoy as much as possible.

My boss is a Jewish carpenter.
Are you following Jesus THIS close?
got jesus?
Jesus does EVERY body good.
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
Let go. Let God.
God is Pro Life.
Yes, Lord, I will ride with you.
Jesus lives in Michigan.
Jesus: Don't leave earth without Him.
Heading in the wrong direction? God suggests a U turn.
Are you lost? God allows U turns.
Who would Jesus bomb?
Jesus is my homeboy.
Don’t let my car fool you. My real treasure is in heaven.
Russia put God in the schools. America took Him out.
No peace, No Jesus? Know Peace, Know Jesus.
God loves you whether you like it or not.
Choose Life – your mother did!
Faith goes where eyes cannot see.
Jesus had a mullet.
I proudly pledge allegiance to one nation under God.
Jesus heals and restores. Pornography destroys.
God is calling. Will you answer?
While some go for gold, we go for God.
"B.I.B.L.E.: Best Instructions Before Leaving Earth"
If you’re living as if there is no God, you better be right.
Real men love Jesus.
1 cross + 3 nails = 4given
Mosh for Jesus.
Don't take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here!
We need to put God back in America.
Oh, how I love Jesus.
Faith moves mountains.
Slow down, look around, and enjoy God’s beauty.
We still pray. Have faith!
Jesus died for you.
Jesus is a liberal.
Dear Lord: Forgive our sins and heal our land.
This Christian Supports Israel.
Angels are watching.
Jesus is coming like lightning – are you ready?
Body piercing saved my life.

Who’s your daddy? Reach for Him. John 14:6 (sign a man was holding while driving)

"I am hooked on Jesus" with a picture of a fisherman's hook (t shirt)
"Jesus died for Pedro" in the fashion of "Vote for Pedro" (t shirt)

Trucker shout out: My Lord, my wife, my kids, Southern Baptists. (on the side of a truck)

Ladies in Clarksville, Route 41A, holding signs “Jesus loves you”, “Go with God”, “Honk for Jesus”


All I know is… everything. – God (billboard)
10 commandments – mile 255 on Route 40 W
Jesus cares... so do the Southern Baptists. (billboard)
What you risk by viewing porn... everything. (billboard)
Remember Clarksville, Christmas is ALL about Jesus. (billboard)
GOOD minus GOD = O (billboard)
God is coming... are you ready? (billboard - included a phone number to call Jesus)
What's missing from this word: CH CH. Answer: U R. (billboard)


I hope you enjoy the compilation of Bible Belt Blessings observed from my many adventures over the past year. Perhaps you'd even like to vote on a favorite. Someday, I hope to publish a picture book of these wonderful observations of people loving the Lord. It seems like it could be a good money maker because of the sheer volume of men and women out there who love Jesus. Then again, it is morally wrong to want to make money off this? Well, perhaps, but this is America, and I can do whatever I want, so I just might. Until then, I leave you with the following lyrics of John Mellencamp, also appropriate at this time:

"Gonna let it rock. Let it roll. Let the Bible Belt come and save my soul."

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Whoooooops.

Dear Carol:

You are a dumbass. Did you really think Schnucks on Union would allow you to just waltz out of the store without paying for your groceries? Perhaps you should make sure you have your wallet next time, moron. Maybe you should spend less time in the sun. Clearly, you can't handle it.

Sincerely,Your intelligence

Saturday, July 15, 2006

My sincerest apologies...

Dear avid readers of the blog (all 12 of you):

My sincerest apologies for the recent departure of blog entries from yours truly. I was experiencing a life change. No, I'm not talking about menopause or my quarter-life crisis (though, I am certain that is just around the corner). I am talking about the recent upgrade of my personal life.

No, I don't have a boyfriend.

But I do have a roommate, for only the second time of my life.

That's right. I bucked up and decided I needed to make some improvements to my personal life. So I moved in with my work buddy. I said "Adios" to my old apartment in the wannabe-retirement community, and and said "Hola" to a new community and a new experience.

After one week, I am pleased to announce it was a solid move.

I was content where I was living, despite the lack of personal stimulation. But when the idea was made to move, I was immediately overwhelmed by my new and improved upgrades.

The short list of upgrades includes:
-instant access to Beale St via trolley versus the 30 minute car ride downtown
-kick ass roommate instead of occassional bugs
-washer and dryer instead of community laundry room
-huge closet where another person could practically live versus a smaller one
-cooking dinner for my roommate versus having to eat leftovers for a week straight
-shower stall without tile versus shower stall with tile AND slippery floor where I was pretty convinced every morning that I would slip, crack my head off the soap dish, and die a slow death, naked for days before someone found me

There are many more, but these have risen as the top notch upgrades of the recent week.

And finally, the cable and internet connections are back and life is pretty much perfect.

I am sorry to have let my readers down this past week. I promise to post more regularly, so you professional blog readers can keep on fighting the fight.

Cheers.
Carol V

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Yankee Doodle Dandy...

I love a good opportunity to witness events that you don't anticipate ever witnessing.

Last night, I celebrated the Fourth of July in pretty standard American fashion - I went to a baseball game, ate a hot dog, and watched some fireworks. The fireworks took place from center field after the game. While set up took place, about 60 people paraded to the home plate area and participated in a naturalization ceremony. These individuals represented about 25 different countries and were taking their oath to become US citizens.

This was a quite interesting event to witness, I must say. At the end, the ceremony leader asked everyone in the stands to stand up and sing "God Bless America". I looked at my friend Bridget and said, "What if you don't believe in God?"

Now I realize this is a rarity in Bible Belt Memphis, but seriously, why do we do stuff like this? Couldn't we have sung "Proud To Be An American" or "Yankee Doodle Dandy" instead? Not that I personally get offended about the G-O-D, but I am sure such a request can alienate many people who might not believe in God.

While I recognize that God is a part of the foundation of this country, believing in God or trusting in God is not a component of becoming a US citizen and living in this great country. So why did these ceremonial leaders find it appropriate to utilize this song versus another?

Rules of the road...

Dear Ignorant Memphis Driver,

Making a left turn while at a red light is not what we call "legal" in terms of driving in this fine country. Please, for the love of all things holy, do not participate in such action again as my beloved Santa Fe does not want to suffer damage due to your inability to follow simple rules of the road.

Sincerely,
An Educated Yankee Driver

Monday, July 03, 2006

K-fun, K-food, K-flood...

Well, it's officially. For the first time in my 24 years of life, I will not be partaking in any Knoebels fun this summer. This is kinda depressing.

Last week was my chance, when I was home on “vacation”. But then that bitch Mother Nature wreaked havoc on the northeast, and flooded the beloved family fun park (among other things).

And so it is that I will not get to partake in the following:
-Cesari’s pizza (we all know how much I love that sweaty pizza place)
-Apple dumpling with vanilla ice cream
-Neapolitan ice cream waffle sandwich
-Tri Taters
-Chicken fries
-Caramel apple with peanuts

And I guess a ride on the Phoenix.

Shoot. I was really looking forward to gorging myself with all of my Knoebels favorites. I guess I’ll have to wait a whole year to do so.

But maybe, just maybe, I’ll make it home for the Bloomsburg Fair this year in September. Only that experience can make up for the lack of The Grove this summer.

"These pretzels are making me thirsty..."

The Undisputed Heavy Weight Pretzel Champion of the World is the Pretzel Log.

Hands down, no contest. Go buy some. Do it. Now.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

When will it end...

I have bad luck when it comes to the guys I like. I am not saying they are not nice people, because most of the time they are, but it usually boils down to the fact that I am much more interested in them than they are in me. Feelings are usually never reciprocated. I should probably read the book “He’s just not that into you” or whatever it’s called. I know I am not the only one with this problem, and I am quite certain I am not the only one who makes this worse on herself.

You see, nine times out of ten (for the past six years or so), I have spent my precious time finding myself attracted to guys who either
a. will never be interested in me or
b. don’t even live in my vicinity.

For most of college, I was attracted to a particular individual who no longer attended Bucknell because he already graduated. Still, though, I was convinced our communication with each other was enough that, eventually, we could actually date and it might work out to what we would call a real “relationship.”
Result: not a chance in hell.

For the other part of college, I spent my time attracted to someone who wouldn’t even give me the time of day. I knew this from the very beginning, but something about him kept me wondering if maybe someday that would change and I’d have a shot.
Result: really not a chance in hell.

I had high hopes when I went to graduate school at Miami, and I actually dated someone. This is not something I actually care to recall as it could be labeled “the worst way ever to fill a void in one’s life.”
Result: refusal to even want to date so as not to do that to oneself ever again.

When I moved to Memphis, I spent a large part of the winter months interested in someone I had never met and who lived 1000 miles away. I only knew of him because of a connection to my beloved alma mater but I often hoped for a chance meeting just to see if there may be something there.
Result: I realized I am a total loser.

And here it is, months later, and I still have the same problem. Not only am I attracted to someone who will never feel the same way about me, but he doesn’t even live on the same continent.
Result: completely and utterly hopeless.

I am not usually one who wishes she has a boyfriend. Typically if you ask me, I'd respond with saying I'd settle for a good date every once in a while. Lately, though, it seems I can't help but wonder when this problem will go away. I mean, I know it’s a long shot being that I live in a city with 600,000 people (please note the sarcasm), but when is it that I might actually meet someone within a 20 mile radius of where I live that I might actually be interested in? I don’t even look that hard in the hope of the whole “it will happen when you least expect it” phenomenon might actually have a shot in hell of working out. I am not saying I want to be in a serious relationship on the way down the aisle, but I can’t help but wonder when I might just meet someone to have a good time with now and again.

Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, June 29, 2006

What I did on my summer vacation...

After attending a conference in Pittsburgh over the weekend, I came home to Mount Carmel for five days for my "summer vacation" - I put this in quotes because those of you who live in, have lived in, or have visited Mount Carmel know that is it definitely not a place one vacations in - rather, it's a place to visit family and friends.

Day 1
-Wake up at 11:30am, totalling 11 hours of sleep. (Haven't done that in a while. Awesome.)
-Eat bowl of cereal.
-Watch World Cup Game. (Loving the soccer, I am.)
-Shower at 3:00pm. (Normally, I wouldn't have showered so early, but I knew I had to avoid Mom's questioning at 3:30pm when she returns from work: "You mean you haven't left the couch all day?" Um, no, frankly, vacation = worthless.)
-Visit Gram & watch Phillies game, total of 12 innings.
-Come home for dinner.
-Eat homemade cavatelli. (Delicious.)
-Sit on couch. Watch news and College World Series. (la de da)
-Wait until 11:30pm to think about going to bed so as to meet 12 hour rule (have to stay awake for entire 12 hours before going to sleep for the night; excludes naps).

Day 2
-Wake up around 11am. (Another quality night of sleep)
-Assist brother Joe in making oatmeal cookies. (Looks Aren't Important Bakery is open for business.)
-Watch World Cup Game. (Still loving the soccer, I am.)
-Shower around 1:30pm.
-Go to Gram's to visit relatives from CA. Engage in good conversation.
-Pick up cousin Jen at 5:00 to go to Bloomsburg for dinner and movie. See "The June Monsoon" for a recap of flood survival.

Day 3
-Arrive home at 10:30am from night before due to flood.
-Eat cereal. (I love cereal. Maybe I should try that Special K - Eat 2 bowls a day diet. NM. I hate diets.)
-Sit on couch.
-Annoy brother. (always fun)
-Put on Phillies game at 1:35pm. Watch Chase Utley bat in first inning.
-Take 3 hour nap.
-Check email and voicemail regarding work. (Completed one work task. Ignored most others.)
-Shower.
-Go to Mattucci's for family dinner. (Stuffed myself.)
-Sat on couch so as to not interrupt food coma.
-Watched NBA Draft. (wanted to see Memphis boys get drafted)
-Watched a rerun of Without A Trace. (best show on tv)
-Watched Anderson Cooper 360. (best news on tv)
-Fell asleep on bed.

Day 4
-Wake up at 8:15am. (way too early for a vacation)
-Shower.
-Eat cereal.
-Aunt picks me up.
-Get pedicure. (Remember, that I do not like feet, so it is strange to realize I allowed someone to touch my feet, but it was nice to be pampered, I won't lie).
-Meet rest of family for lunch. (mmmm. chicken and waffles... delicious.)
-Check email. (Complete one work task; ignore others.)
-Hang out with high school friends.
-Cousin Jen picks me up. Go to mall (45 minutes away).
-Spend $$ I don't have.
-Go to see The Breakup. (Liked 98% of the movie; hated the ending.)
-Fell asleep on couch watching CNN.

Day 5
-Wake up at 10:30am.
-Check email.
-Watch World Cup games.
-Take nap.
-Entertain family.
-Eat pizza for dinner (pizza at home is amazing).
-Make fudge in Joe's "bakery".
-Entertain family.
-Pack.
-Sleep.

Pretty solid week, if you ask me.

And finally, for lunch...

Chicken and Waffles, 75 cents
Mashed Potatoes with gravy, 25 cents
Corn, 25 cents
Milk, 30 cents
and Sandwich of the Week: Chicken Salad with Lettuce, 75 cents


A trip down memory lane to the great Mount Carmel Area High School Lunch.

The family went out for lunch today to Masser's and I proceeded to eat Chicken and Waffles, which was my absolute favorite lunch in high school. As you can see from the prices above, well worth the money. In fact, it really only cost $1 if you bought the whole lunch, which often was the case.

Over today's lunch, we debated on the best high school lunches of all time. My top five:

1. Chicken and Waffles (clearly, a local favorite)
2. Salisbury Steak (delicious, grade-E meat)
3. Tacos (made the best taco salad ever)
4. Rotini with Meat Sauce (loved the supplemental salad, i.e. shredded lettuce, and the tea roll)
5. Meatball Hoagie (chips go on the hoagie)

"Big Plate Thursday" clearly dominates the winners.

Brother Joe will disagree and say that the Steak Hoagie should make the top five, but this is my blog, and what I say goes.

We do agree that Chili and Baked Potato Bar clearly fall into the category of "Most Underrated Lunch".

I think most of us who went to MCA appreciated the cheapness and the quality of the food we had for daily lunch. I know that when I'm shuffling over $6 in TigerDen now at UMemphis for Subway or Chick-Fil-A that I often would rather the high school food options and prices. And besides, what could be better than listening to "Mezz" and "Chez" read your menu over the televised morning news each day. Clearly, a good package deal if you ask me.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The June Monsoon...

I am on "vacation" in my hometown, visiting the parents, family and the hometown friends. While usually anticipated for a good time of eating awesome favorite foods and taking in some fun and sun at my aunt and uncle's house, this vacation has already taken on a new theme. Ridiculousness is the theme.

For starters, Mother Nature has been a serious bitch to the northeast. Since arriving in PA last Thursday, it's rained just about every day since. Monday and Tuesday of this week, I swear it stopped raining for a good 12.8 seconds. That's not really fun considering everything I want to do is outside. It's also not fun that I failed to pack foot attire other than flip flops. Clearly, not helpful.

Every time I come home, my cousin Jen and I participate in our ritual of dinner and a movie. Last night, we planned to drive to Bloomsburg (30 minutes away) for dinner at Applebee's and a movie (closest movie theatre is in Bloomsburg). We figured since it was raining, this was a good way to at least have something to do.

On our drive to Bloomsburg, it poured and poured and we noticed potential flooding in different areas on the way. We arrived at Applebee's in one piece and figured we could eat a good meal, see the movie, then battle the rain home. At some point while eating dinner, a commotion ocurred at Applebee's. Our nice server, Mike, informed us that the only entrance/exit was starting to flood. Funny how there was barely a puddle there when we arrived an hour earlier. Funny how, also, SUVs were having difficulty getting out of the lot. Great, I thought. I had mom's car, clearly as low to the ground as possible, instead of my wonderful Santa Fe. While finishing our meal (and free dessert), the fire company had to come and help a car get out of the flooded entrance. Spectacular. My car just happened to be sitting in the middle of the parking lot where the waters were beginning to get higher from both sides. We had to get out of the lot, and we had to do so quick.

The Applebee's staff orchestrated a "ramp" so we could drive up onto a curb and get out on the highway and avoid getting flooded out in the entrance/exit. Jen manuevered the car over the ramp and onto the highway. We discovered, however, that driving into town, which is what we needed to get back to Mount Carmel, was not really an option. Everyone was driving away from town, towards us. We called my aunt and uncle who live outside Bloomsburg, explained our situation, and asked for directions to their house. Jen successfully completed the plan and we arrived safely at their house. We learned upon arrival that all roads into and out of Bloomsburg were closed and much of the quickest route to get home had areas of flooding. We camped out for the night.

Upon waking up today, we learned that much of central PA has been victim to the wrath of Mother Nature. My gram called it yesterday afternoon when she said, "This is like Hurricane Agnes and the flood of '72". Somehow, she anticipated this weather we were having could be the worst this area has seen in decades. She may just be right as the weather reports predict serious flooding tomorrow when the Susquehanna River crests. We also learned today that the easy routes home to Mount Carmel all had flood areas. Therefore, we had to drive to 20 minutes west of Bloomsburg to Hazleton and then drive south another hour to get home. Nothing like taking the scenic route.

I swear, though, at one point, Jen and I were pretty convinced the end of the world may be in sight. Either that, or it's time for the northeast to deal with the wrath of Mother Nature. She is seriously pissed about something.

One thing is certain, I apparently can't go for a month without being stuck in the middle of some ridiculous situation (last month: see crime scene debacle). The madness at the Applebee's parking lot made the local paper today... interesting how they could call someone in to take some pictures but couldn't find some way to help the customers and staff get out of the lot. Thank God the Applebee's staff had some creative thinking or I could just be floating away somewhere in Columbia County.

Monday, June 26, 2006

All in the family...

This is a IM conversation between my cousin Jen and my brother Joe. While this was taking place, my parents and I were sitting in our living room watching baseball. It made for a worthwhile family moment of simple laughter. I share it only because it is a good reminder of the small moments that we often fail to appreciate fully.

jen: carol home?
joe: carol home
jen: what is she doin?
joe: not 1 thing at the moment
jen: alright
jen: ask her if we are still on for tomorrow?
joe: she is nodding in agreement
joe: r u going to meet or ????????
jen: huh
jen: meet where?
joe: she doesnt know the meeting procedure
jen: ooo
jen: well pam hasnt got back to me
jen: so its just me and her
jen: i only have work til 3
joe: what u want her to do
jen: movies are 445,725, and 945
jen: which would she prefer
joe: she has no preference
jen: unreal
joe: ha i know
jen: she did this im memphis lol
jen: so if you go visit her expect to make all the decisions
jen: :-)
joe: thats not good
joe: im bad at making decisions
jen: word
jen: im not too good either
jen: ask her if we are eatin at home or somewhere else?
joe: "up to her"
joe: hahahaa
jen: i hate her
joe: haaaaaaaaaa
jen: what are you doin tomorrowa?
joe: practice at 4
joe: if no rain = golf
jen: ic
joe: i guess she wants to know if ur coming home first or should she meet u in bloom
joe: but im just guessing, she didnt say, and shes worried what we r saying cuz i keep losing it
jen: hahaha
jen: bobo jr (a friend of our grandparents)
joe: well now she says she will pick u up at 5ish and u will go to applebee's
jen: o really
jen: who died and put her in charge
joe: scribbs died and left her in charge (also a friend of our grandparents)
jen: as did Bobo Sr (another friend of the grandparents)
joe: butch said bumba (i have no idea)
joe: we forgot bumba
jen: yea we did
jen: i saw picky the other day (a friend of our gradnparents)
joe: gram used to call ur mom bumba (true story)
jen: he was walkin up the street sideways (picky did in fact do this)
jen: he was on his was to mucca's house (another real friend)
joe: my dad said scribbs wife was the georgia peach (true story)
jen: unreal
jen: as in blanch from the golden girls?
joe: my dad told me once that uncle yonk was called yonku bc he spilled something in the bar and pap said "you yonku you" (yes, we call our uncle "yonk")
jen: hahahaha
jen: i think i heard that before
joe: probably
jen: alright
jen: im peacin out
jen: im tired
jen: gotta get up early
joe: alrighty
joe: is the plan settled?
jen: 5ish
jen: got it
joe: alrighty
joe: cyaaaaaaaaa pickey
jen: word up Joe "the dolly guy" (also a true friend of the grandparents. he brought deliveries of kegs using a dolly to their bar and would often give us "rides" on the dolly)

Aeroplanes...

I don't mind flying. I won't say I love it because sometimes it's not enjoyable, but I don't hate it either. It's probably because I don't fly often enough to really hate it. I do often wonder, though, how business people fly so much... I think that would drive me crazy.

I flew on Thursday and Sunday of last week and will fly again this Saturday. This means I have had some time to make interesting airplane and airport observations.

I like airports because I like watching people. People who are stressed about delays and seats and screaming children. People who could care less about when they leave and when they arrive. At any given time, someone is doing something interesting.

I often fly on small planes. The ones where you can feel like you can touch the back of the airplane when you are standing at the front. On my first flight last week, I entered a small plane and realized I was seated next to the bathroom. I only had this experience one other time in my life, sitting by the bathroom. A rather heavy-set man asked to sit next to me, even though there were many empty seats on the flight. He was pale and sweating profusely and I determined he wanted to sit next to the bathroom because he was not feeling great. Well, I was correct in this observation because the flight ended when he whipped open the barf bag and used it. This was the first time I experienced someone using the barf bag. So on Thursday, when I sat down by the bathroom, I was somewhat suspicious that this could be a bad sign. I am pleased to annouce, however, that this was an enjoyable experience. A fifty-ish old man sat down next to me with a casual style briefcase and a coke. He had a magazine that he chose not to read. Instead, he opened his briefcase and pulled out the original Nintendo Gameboy. Of course, I proceeded to say, "The original Gameboy - that is fantastic! You just made my whole day." He asked if I wanted to play, but I politely declined. I didn't want to show him up with my amazing skills. I did watch him for an hour, however, and he was pretty good at Tetris. How great is that?

That flight took me to Charlotte, which is my favorite airport. It has good food and shops and a variety of live entertainment. It also has white wooden rocking chairs that are great for lay-overs. The airplane I took from Charlotte to Pittsburgh was decent in size, seating 6 across. I haven't flown on this size plane since going to Vegas a few years ago. I was impressed by this flight because they dropped the television screens for the flight. While the duration of the flight was not long enough to view a movie, it was suitable for the airline to provide Cranium trivia. This I found enjoyable. I dosed off for a few minutes, woke up, looked at the screen, learned some new fun and useless facts, and dosed again. Repeat process. It was either this or talk to the two suits next to me about my 401(k), the stock market and my life story, which I was not interested in. Seriously, these suits talked the entire time. No, they were not friends. Complete strangers. Ridiculous that two people who know nothing about each other could invest in conversation for this long on an airplane. I enjoyed my many short naps and fun facts instead.

Overall, I had a decent week of flying. I am not sure why people hate it so much - it never seems to be that bad. Perhaps my flight next week will bring another interesting opportunity to observe or experience something new. If not, though, I will at least get to enjoy the rocking chair in the Charlotte airport again and that makes it all worth it.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Changes for the Catholics...

The Catholic Church has made some changes here in the US regarding key phrases during Mass. Don't be alarmed - it's nothing like the overhaul of Vatican II, but it is something to be aware of, particularly if you're like me and you are not a regular attendee of weekly Mass. I'm sure you'd figure it out when you show up one random Sunday and the regular-goers are already down with the new lingo and you're wondering what the heck is happening but I'd figured I'd comment anyway.

On one hand, I appreciate changes for the Catholics. Change is often good, I believe, and since the world we live in does constantly change, perhaps elements of one's faith and practice of that faith should hop on board and be changed when appropriate. On the other hand, if I had to pick what type of changes I'd want the Catholic church to pursue, I'm pretty sure changes in phrases repeated each week at Mass fall pretty low on my list. I'd rather see changes in bigger policy/hot-button issues, but I digress... it's just not the right time for another serious overhaul.

You can read about the new changes here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/15/AR2006061502252.html?nav=rss_nation

I found this article, read it, and sent it to my Catholic bud, Susan. As always, Susan had some fun witty commentary to offer, and I believe it worthwhile to share, so here goes. Susan said:

Jess sent me a similar article yesterday. I said "good thing I have stopped going to church. The changes would annoy me."

I found this piece and thought I would share my comments:

Change: The exchanges between priest and parishioners that now go "The Lord be with you" / "And also with you" would become "The Lord be with you" / "And with your spirit."
Comment: So the priest has a spirit but the congregants do not?

Change: The Act of Penitence, in which parishioners now confess aloud that they have sinned "through my own fault" would include the lines "through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault."
Comment: Catholic guilt 101 -- make a little fault a "most grievous fault"

Change: In the Nicene Creed, the opening words "We believe" would become "I believe."
Comment: Heaven forbid we take a communal approach and recognize our membership in a larger body.

Change: Early in the Eucharistic Prayer, "Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might" would become "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God of hosts."
Comment: By hosts do they mean people who throw parties? Let's use the vernacular and not obscure religious language.

Change: Before Communion, the prayer "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you" would become "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof."
Comment: I am homeless and take offense to this one. It discriminates against people who do not have roofs under which others may enter.


So for you Catholics out there, whether you're dedicated weekly attendees or slackers like myself, may you find the changes to your liking. However, if you do not, as Susan anticipates, please let me know and we will share a good laugh and some commentary.

May the peace of Christ be with you.