You call that news?

It's nights like this that I realize why local news programs disturb me and I prefer the national news like the wonderful CNN. I feel strongly that the news on the national scale proves much more useful to my daily existence as well as my general knowledge. Tonight's local news proves this yet again.

First news story: Will the deal to turn the Pyramid into the Bass Pro Shops go through or will the Pyramid perhaps become a sound stage for movie productions?

For the love of anything holy, is this really the most important thing happening today in Memphis? Or in the world, for that matter?

Second news story: "Unexpected eyeful" was the title of this story, which described two females running naked through a Holiday Inn. This is clearly a big deal and should be taken seriously, according to the investigator on the case of locating these individuals.

Um, correct me if I am wrong but isn't Memphis one of the highest crime-ridden cities in the country? Apparently finding naked chicks is more important that fighting real crime like robberies and murders - I guess we're not disturbed by this year's high crime rates.

Third news story: Gun shots fly while people try to renew drivers licenses.

Well, I guess I won't be inheriting a TN license anytime soon. What do people have against drivers? Oh wait, Memphis drivers SUCK. Maybe this isn't so bad after all...


So there you have it. The first five minutes of local news. Clearly, a worthwhile use of my time.

AC 360 - here I come.