I Hate Winter

The way I see it, the only people who like snow fit into three categories:
1. Fans of winter outdoor sports, like skiing and snowboarding
2. Students and teachers, when school gets delayed or cancelled
3. People who only get to experience snow like once a year

I fell into category three when I was living in the south. On the rare occassion that it would snow, I didn't really mind because it would snow for a few hours, look pretty while falling or covering the ground, and then disappear a few hours later. Snow never stuck around long enough to get dirty or cause havoc for travel. This snow was appreciated.

Now that I'm back in the north, I am reminded that I hate winter as a whole. For starters, I hate being cold. I would rather be grossly sweating in 105 degree weather with intense humidity than to be slightly cold. Furthermore, I really don't like snow in any capacity. I don't like to hear about its arrival, I don't like to see it, and I definitely don't like to deal with it in terms of shoveling or traveling. It just messes with your day. And when you live in a town where snow removal is a poorly executed operation, it just becomes one giant pain in the ass.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

Beach front property sounds pretty good right now.

Humor in Religion

Some would call me a sinner for believing that, at times, there is humor in things related to religion, but it's true. I mean, why else would a priest crack a joke or two at the beginning of his weekly homily? Sometimes, you need a good chuckle.

Last night, I accompanied my mom to see some local theater. The play was called "Nuncrackers" and it was a holiday film about some nuns, a priest, and the students they serve in their New Jersey parish. There was obviously a multitude of religion puns and jokes throughout the play. My favorite was the scene where the priest was describing the parish's take on a video game for kids. The game was called "Moral Combat" and it would be used to teach youngsters the ways to live a moral life, particularly through the use of Catholic guilt. I could relate to that. Definitely funny stuff.

After the play, I was thinking about how sometimes there are things related to religion that aren't intended to be funny but make me laugh anyway. For example, on facebook.com, there's that news feed page that tells you what your 'friends' are up to, so you can be an 'internet stalker' without really being an 'internet stalker.' I literally laughed out loud the first time I saw this announcement:

"Jason became a fan of Jesus Christ."

People can also be fans of God. For some reason, I find this announcement humorous. (Not the actual belief of course, just how it's 'news' for 'friends.')

The last example I was only able to experience because I'm back home in the frozen tundra that is Pennsylvania, where last week, the temperature was a high of 6 degrees and it snows every few days. When watching local television, they run the bottom-of-the-screen announcements about school delays and school closings. My favorite announcement for a local school reads:

"Gates of Heaven: Closed."

Clearly, that's funny stuff. God's not working today, he's cold. Come back when it's warmer. Ha.

Twin-Sized Bed

"You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed. With a single pillow underneath your single head. I guess you decided that that old queen holds more space than you would need. Now it's in the alley behind your apartment with a sign that says it's free."
-Death Cab for Cutie

I may have previously noted that moving home meant I had to give up my queen-sized bed and instead sleep on a twin. The fact is, my amazing queen is in a garage, a miserably cold garage sitting useless. It didn't fit. The box spring was too bulky to make the turn on the stairs. I'm still not over it. It takes me a long time to deal with some things.

I tried to ignore my feelings about sleeping on a twin for the past few weeks. I really did. But it's not just the constant fetal position that is bothersome. It's also the feeling that I'm still in college. In college, I slept in dorms on a twin, and I came home and slept in my old bedroom on a twin, the same twin I am using now. It didn't bother me then. I didn't know any better. But for the past five plus years, I've been fortunate to have a gigantic comfortable queen. Now, sleeping on this twin brings a feeling of having taken a step backwards. Or something. I don't know. I know it's not really a big deal. I mean, I have a bed. Shouldn't that be enough?

There are really only two options for comfortable use of a twin. The first is the fetal position, already mentioned. The second is the straight-as-a-board, down-the-middle position. Anything other than this and you're overboard, feet off the edge, arms touching the ground. And not to mention the pillows. I mean, two pillows don't last on a twin. One always ends up on the floor. It's like, why even bother?

This week, I watched 24 episodes of Lost, the first season. I viewed on my laptop while sitting on my bed. You do the math. I basically spent an entire day stuck on my twin being sucked into this television show. I couldn't sprawl out. I couldn't move around. I just sat there, mesmerized and uncomfortable.

But this is the price I must pay. I guess it's a better price than paying for rent or paying for cable.

Small Moral Victories

Small moral victories come in a variety of situations.

For example, let's say it's a random Saturday and you're forced to go to a work function and you're not really enthused about it. To make matters worse, let's say you're feeling ugly, fat, and generally unattractive. Going out in public is the last thing you want to do. But it's "work" and rather than lie about some battle with food poisoning, you suck it up and attend anyway. Somehow in this endeavor, fate steps in and you run into someone you haven't seen in quite some time, someone you find attractive, someone you may have wanted to date in some previous life stage. Maybe later in the evening, you end up spending some quality time with this individual, and lo and behold, he actually finds you attractive. You start to feel pretty good about yourself and are glad the night ended up the way it did. This is a small moral victory.

That's actually a pretty quality example of a small moral victory.

Today's small moral victory isn't quite as exciting but perhaps just as vital in its own way.

Today marks three full weeks that I've been back in Mount Carmel and living at home. And since 2005, this is the longest I've been home in one setting. I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with myself. There hasn't been a breakdown of "Oh God, what have I don with myself?" or "Really, I'm still here" or "Oh sweet mercy, get me out of here!" I've often felt these things in the past on trips home, much shorter trips. So it's been nice that I've lasted longer and feel pretty good about myself and this situation. My down time has been relaxing. I'm entering the phase of pretty heavy reflection, trying to let go of some anger and bitterness I've carried with me, as I move on with my life. I still have some steps to take, but it has definitely been worth it so far. I feel pretty good about myself. And I think given the situation, this is definitely a small moral victory for my self-esteem.

Tomato Soup

Carol: "Dad, what did you think of my tomato soup?"
Dad: "It was too tomato-ey."
Carol stares at Dad with puzzled look on her face.

Honestly, this conversation occurred four days ago.
I still don't even know what to say about it.

Cheez Whiz Death Stare

Joe: "Do we have any sour cream for my baked potato?"
Mom: "No, Carol used it for the hashbrown casserole the other night."
Carol: "Why don't you throw some Cheez Whiz on there? I saw we had some."
Mom stares at Carol with big eyes, shocked at this suggestion, wishing death upon her for said thought.
Mom: "The Cheez Whiz is for cheesesteaks. Nothing else."

This was a conversation we had at the dinner table the other day. And the look my mom gave me is now referred to as the "Cheez Whiz Death Stare." Honestly, you would have thought I was asking her to sacrifice her only son. She was pissed at this suggestion. I didn't know you could only use Cheez Whiz on cheesesteaks. I really thought it had other functions. This brings us to our next rule:

Rule #3. Cheez Whiz is only to be used on cheesesteaks. Any other use is considered ludricrous and you will receive the Cheez Whiz Death Stare at such a suggestion.

January Friend of the Month

While I know we're only 8 days deep into a new month (and a new year), cousin Jen is definitely January's winner for Friend of the Month. She humors my madness and that's always appreciated. Let's just say Jen was kind enough to spend the afternoon with me doing perhaps one of the most random things in my life. I'd tell you about it, but then I'd have to kill you.

No! Really? It can't be!

When I decided to resign from my job, I made a point to tell my students of my decision. I felt they deserved to hear the news from me directly rather than through the grapevine. It's hard to control this type of news once you tell one person, and I thought I was able to share the news with most of them before they heard it from someone else.

When I met with one of my teams, a small group of women, I made a point to tell them that I was not leaving my job because of some unexpected, unplanned pregnancy. I repeated to them, "I am not pregnant." I had anticipated that some people would think this because to some my decision to leave seemed sudden. Some people couldn't understand why I would up and leave in the middle of an academic year. "Well, Carol clearly must be pregnant. Why else would she leave now? Right?"

No, actually, quite wrong.

I repeat. I am not pregnant. I never have been. I think I would know if this is the case.

You may ask why I bring this up now . Well, I talked to my friend Bridget yesterday. She told me that she spoke with a woman who works in another office on campus; this woman thought I left because I was pregnant. Thankfully, Bridget dispelled the rumor. I anticipated this would happen, which is why I made it a point to tell my students I wasn't planning for a baby all those weeks ago.

Unfortunately for the gossip hounds, there's no scandal here. I wasn't attacked on some random street corner in Memphis. No one pulled a gun on me. I wasn't robbed or mugged. I didn't sleep with any students. I'm not running away from someone. And I'm certainly not pregnant.

I'm basically just a 27-year-old trying to find a job that allows me to have the life I want in a place I love. Why is that so hard to understand? Why do people always want there to be some drama?

It's Laundry Time

Rule #2. When necessary, assist with the family's laundry.
A. When the dryer door is open, fold the clothes in the dryer.
B. When the washer lid and the dryer door is open, move clothes from washer to dryer, run dryer, then fold clothes.

This is how my mom communicates that she wants help with the laundry. I don't really mind these rules. The least I can do is help out here. I mean, she does the laundry. I offered to do my own, but she just won't allow it. She has a system, and you cannot mess with her system!

I'm 27, living at home, and my mom's doing my laundry.
Pathetic? Fantastic? You can decide what you think about that.

Drive for a license, license to drive

Today, my dad and I took a short road trip so I could swap out my Tennessee Driver's License for a new Pennsylvania one! I'm no longer the recipient of a southern state license. How liberating!

Some of my city friends might be surprised that I had to drive 20 miles to go to a driver's license center. The closest one is really about 8 miles away, however, it serves such a small area that it's only open to perform these transactions on Fridays. I had to move on this so we decided it would be worth the trip of a few more miles. The small town perk here is that it only took about 30 minutes to complete this process, not like in Memphis where it could take practically a whole day.

As Dad and I drove along, we discussed how some areas of central PA are somehwat odd. Like in all honesty, I know Mount Carmel is a unique place and many people find it particularly strange, but sometimes the deeper you drive into the coal region, the weirder life becomes. Mount Carmel might be strange, but it's definitely a lot better than... well, let's just leave these other towns nameless so as to not hurt anyone's feelings.

Honey, Do Your Chores!

This is a picture of a note I woke up to one day last week. My mom taped it to the computer because she knows I can't go a whole day without checking my email and surfing the internet. She really needed me to see it. Molto importante! It read:


"Carol, Sweeper needs to be run in your room, then brought downstairs and run in both rooms. Thanks, Mom."

If I had the nerve, I would have left Mom a note in response. It would have read:

"Mom, Sorry I missed the memo to run the vacuum in my bedroom. I mean, I obviously didn't get the hint when you put the vacuum right by my door for two days and then so kindly placed it in my bedroom so that I would trip over it. Clearly, I didn't get the message. Or maybe, I didn't see a need for the vacuum to be run, you know, since this isn't a skill I've developed yet in my life, even when I was living on my own for the past ten years. So glad to be home, Carol."

So that would have been mean, right? I couldn't have possibly left that note for my mom, though I sure did want to. I'm not an idiot. I know when vacuums should be utilized. But this isn't my house or my independent life anymore. I am a mooch, and by default, I must follow certain rules. My mom sure does have a lot of rules, and this was definitely my first lesson in learning how to successfully navigate my new life.

Rule #1. When Mom says to run the vacuum, run the vacuum.
A. In fact, run the vacuum every day, especially in the living room, because one crumb or piece of lint on the floor is unacceptable living.

Unemployment Shout Out

It's my first "official" day of unemployment. You may be questioning how I am clarifying this as "official" and the answer is simple: I am not back to work, and everyone else is!

Had I not resigned from my job at the end of December, today would have been the day I returned to work, thus ending my holiday vacation. I am 100% thrilled to death that I am not working today. It's actually quite amazing. It's even more amazing because I am still technically on vacation - no part time work has started just yet!

It seems appropriate that on this day, I give a shout out to one of my favorite online videos, from the collection of Odd Todd. Some of my friends have seem this previously, while others have not. If it's not your first time, I hope you enjoy it as if it was. If it is your first time, welcome to this world! Here is the link: http://oddtodd.com/index2.html

I'm off to find something to do. Holler.