Illinois Ave.

My aunt: "Do you have Monopoly?"
Carol: "The board game?"
My aunt: "Yes."
Carol: "I'm sure it's in the attic somewhere."
My aunt: "Good. Get it and get over here."
Carol: " Ummmm, ok."

I enlisted my dad to help me execute the search for the Monopoly board game. I couldn't recall the last time I actually saw the board game. I mean, 1992 was quite some time ago. But we were able to locate it. Magically, it was only missing a few title deeds to those lame purple properties like St. Charles Place. Nothing a few index cards couldn't fix.

I scurried to my aunt's house where she and cousin Jen were "anxiously" awaiting my arrival. Apparently, I'm not the only one with "nothing better to do." I guess it's better to sit on a chair and play a board game for a few hours on a Sunday than to sit on a couch and stare at a television all afternoon. I got to be the banker. Shocker.

I tried to recall a strategy for being successful at a game of Monopoly, but then it dawned on me that I'm not sure I ever actually finished an entire game when I was a child. It can be a looooong game, you know? I wasn't sure that my friend Sarah and I ever actually finished a game. I apparently played with Sarah a great deal as a child because the names "Carol" and "Sarah" were written on the backs of some of the 100 and 500 dollar bills in funky crayon colors. I don't remember having a friend named Kimber but her name was noted a few times also. After thinking this was a strange occurrence, we started the game.

I moved my "hat" game piece around the board while my aunt's "dog" and Jen's "thimble" did the same. Such a weird idea, now that I think of it.

Per usual, we spent the first few trips around the board buying properties and such. It was evident from the get-go that Jen and I were somewhat picky about the properties we bought while my aunt bought anything possible. Jen was fortunate to land both utilities while my aunt had her stake in the majority of the railroads. I always try for the properties between the second and fourth railroad; my aunt landed all three red properties right in the middle of where I wanted to be, though, and this would prove problematic to my game.

Over time, Jen struggled to really get her money into any substantial properties. She also struggled in collecting any money to advance her game. If you recall, you collect $200 after passing "Go." In an unprecedented four trips in a row, Jen landed on that space where you pay tax or $200 after passing "Go", so she never got to utilize any of that money to her advantage. I swear those were some really strange odds. She actually welcomed a trip to jail because she couldn't lose any money.

I tried to play an even-keel game, but it took me quite some time to earn the necessary properties and make a go of anything.

My aunt, on the other hand, was out for blood from the start. As I noted, she bought up every property she could. She was the first to purchase houses and eventually hotels. At one point, she had 5 hotels and 10 houses on 13 different properties. Jen was first to fall victim to this dominance, when she stumbled upon Illinois Ave for the first time. It was then we remembered that you could mortgage property to get money back from the bank. This was only a temporary solution and it was only a matter of time before Jen was out of the game.

Over time, my aunt's dominance continued. Illinois Ave proved problematic for me as well. This was evident when I landed on a "Chance" square which also sent me right to Illinois Ave. It was then that I had to pay up my first installment of $1100 in rent. This took my bank down to a mere $24. But there was hope that I could fight on and still give my aunt a run for her money.

The only potential reprieve for me came when my aunt had to pay tax on all her properties due to one of those "Community Chest" cards. She forked over a large sum of money to the "Free Parking" space. There was hope again that I could land this cash and continue on.

Not so much. My aunt mopped up that cash shortly after.

Sadly, I landed on neighboring Indiana Ave, and had to face my aunt's wrath once again. I think this was the point I called her a "property whore" or dropped an f-bomb. This was a new element to playing Monopoly, as I don't remember Sarah or I ever cursing at our misfortunes when we were younger.

In all her glory, my aunt destroyed every last property I owned and took me for every last dollar. Who knew Monopoly could be so fun? My aunt apparently did because she rubbed it in my face. I'm still trying to remember if the game was fun as a child, you know, when you quit when you were ahead.

No, seriously, it actually was fun. But definitely more fun for my aunt. It's much more fun to win, right?