What's in a name?

There are a few things you cannot control in life -- the weather, gas prices, your family, other people -- to name a few. Seriously, you have no control over who you are born to. For many people, this works out quite well -- you have a pretty awesome set of parents. You may not always think so, but if you consider the parents of some of the people you know, chances are pretty good you like yours a hell of a lot better than the others. Think about it for a minute.

Occassionally, I feel bad for children, particularly when I take a look at their parents. Some children are not as fortunate as I -- I have awesome parents that I wouldn't trade for anything. But there are many who are not as fortunate as me, and this can be known from the start.

One of the strangest things about parenting, I think, is deciphering the name of your child. Sometimes I feel people give this the necessary thought - children are often named for family members or friends or people who have been inspiring to the parents. A lot of times, children end up with pretty "normal" names.

But on occassion, you meet someone's child and they tell you their name and you can't help but think to yourself, "Wow. What an awful name. What an awful name to have for one's whole life." I give you two very recent examples:

The professor of one of my students told his class that he and his wife named their daughter "Gnome." That's right, Gnome, like the Travelocity Gnome. Like the fairytale characters that people think are strange, odd, and freakishly weird.

Then there's always the celebrity couples who name their children random weird names. The latest: Gwenyth Paltrow named her son Moses to go right along with her daughter Apple. Is she serious here? Who names their child Moses? For the love.

I always believe that if I were to have children in my future, I would take some time to think about my child's name, particularly when she/he reaches middle school and peers begin to make fun of children for just about anything, but particularly the name. Do these crazy parents not think about how the name they give their child can significantly scar them for life?

Hi, my name is Gnome.

Hi, my name is Moses.

Is it just me, or does this sound borderline ridiculous? Is it just me, or do other people out there feel bad for these children? God, I hope they have normal lives, because their parents have already set them up for some serious hell.