Junk Mail Comes on Tuesdays...

I lived in residence halls (aka, dorms) for 6 years of my life -- 4 years of college and 2 years of grad school. To most people, this seems insane. For me, it meant easy money (most of the time), a free meal plan (I miss Encore), and a few smaller perks. One of these smaller perks was no junk mail -- I rarely received coupons, credit card offers, missing person’s flyers, etc. Now, however, since I have entered full-fledged adulthood, junk mail is a weekly part of my existence. Most junk mail, I assure you, comes on Tuesdays.

Today was one of those Tuesdays I dreaded checking the mail. You can only get so many coupons for oil changes, Krystal “burgers” (um, ga-ross), and other random crap. You can only get so many credit card offers as well. But today, my mail was graced by the presence of some serious junk. In the name of all things holy, mail can’t get more ridiculous than this.

The envelope was standard white, letter sized. Addressed – “Resident – To a Friend.” On the front it said, “Two homes are about to be blessed… then it must go to another dear friend.” Some of the words were underlined in red pen. I thought this was peculiar, so rather than just throw it out, I figured I would see what this was all about.

Oh my.
The back of the envelope read (in the same writing):

“Dear Jesus,
We pray that you will bless someone in this home spiritually, physically, and financially. And please dear Lord, bless the one who’s (this is grammatically incorrect) hands open this letter. Make good changes in this one’s life and give them the desires of their heart. We pray over and bless this letter in your holy name. Amen.” Saint Matthew’s Churches – PO Box 22065 – Tulsa, OK 74121

Well, for the love of Pete (whoever he is), this has got to be good, I thought. So out came the letter opener (aka, my index finger) and more discovery followed.

Basically, inside this envelope was a “prayer rug” – that is, a piece of paper you had to unfold to reveal the face of Jesus on the picture of a purple and orange rug. The rug instructs you to kneel near the rug, close your eyes, and pray for whatever it is you need to pray for. But don’t stop there!

You must pass the prayer rug on!

Inside also was some sap story about a woman who received $46,000 after she prayed on the prayer rug. It also included a serious two-page letter addressed to “Dear… Someone Connected with this Address” with serious amounts of red underlining, instructing you to fill out the pray letter and send it back to Saint Matthew’s. You have to check a few boxes of things to pray for, such as your soul, your health, a home to call your own, a closer walk with Jesus, a new car, your family, or “for God to bless with me with money in the amount of $_____ (and you fill in the blank)”.

Can we say, SCAM ALERT! Are these people serious?

Isn’t it wrong to pray for money?

As Coleman (the most immoral person I know) asks, "When did it become socially acceptable to pray for money?"

Oh, wait, isn’t it wrong to tell people your prayers will be answered after you enclose your “seed gift to God’s work of $____ (again, fill in the blank)”?

Wow, Saint Matthew’s Churches. Wow. You have really outdone yourself this time.

Saint Matthew’s Churches – Friends of Jesus for 55 Glorious Years of Service.

Translation: Saint Matthew’s Churches – Enemies of People Who Want to Believe God Will Answer Their Prayers

I hope to God, yes, that’s right – I hope to God people are smart enough to realize this is a scam. I also hope these scammers find the error of their ways. Perhaps they should be kneeling in front of their prayer rugs asking for God to forgive them for deceiving and scamming people.

Regardless of this ridiculousness, though, it did make me laugh as I find pure joy in things of the “Bible Belt” nature. Don’t be surprised if the “prayer rug” ends up in your mailbox, friends. It is too ridiculous not to share with others, holy or not.