If I had a million dollars...

Recently, I re-discovered my love of the Bare Naked Ladies as I stumbled across their song "If I had a million dollars". In relationship to the lyrics of this song, as well as recent happenings in the lives of myself and some friends, I started thinking about what exactly I would do if I had a million dollars. Better yet, if I had more.

In reality, I know I would try to support my family with things they've never had, particularly my parents who have sacrificed so much to give me what I have - I'm thinking a new house wherever they want, fully equipped with all of life's needs, perhaps a new car and some sort of dream vacation. I'd pay off my brother's loans, help him get his own place, and treat him to something spectacular. I'd give some money to charity and then come up with a game plan of how to spend the rest of my life, including a trip around the world to the numerous places I want to visit.

In my dream fantasy of having a ton of money, I really would want to buy my own island. I know that probably runs more than a million buckaroos, but if I had whatever it takes, I'd do it. My island would be a happy place, where Captain and Cokes and Italian cuisine reigns supreme. I wouldn't have servants or anything crazy; instead, I would invite any friends and family who so desired to live with me. As a collective, we would find a way to make good lives for ourselves in terms of supporting each other - we'd find a way to harvest foods, make delicious meals, and function as a functional society would (without all the b.s. of course).

The main point here is that I wouldn't work.

Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I love the students I work with at present and I currently can't think of anything else I'd rather do as a professional.

But the fact of the matter is that if I didn't have to work to support myself and function as a contributing member of society (i.e., a tax payer), I wouldn't. The general concept of work kinda sucks. Let's be honest. If you disagree, you're probably disillusioned to the ridiculousness of your work tasks on a daily basis.

So there you have it. If I had a ton of money lying around, my island would be up and fully functional.

The question is, will you be lucky enough to live with me?

Karma...

I believe in karma, both of the positive and the negative. In essence, I believe one should treat others the way one wants to be treated. Attempting to do good for others should eventually reward itself in positive karma, however that positive karma chooses to manifest itself.

For about a year now, I have come to believe that I am rewarded with positive karma as a driver. Memphis drivers suck - if you've read the blog, you have heard me comment about this. In the last 3 years especially, I have spent many a hour in my car on 8+ hour road trips. In my daily commutes around the city as well as these road trips, I have often escaped driving woes - I have never been in an accident and have never had to deal with the wrath of the police force. I seem to have a pretty good track record on the road. I am convinced this is where the positive karma manifests iteself in my life.

It's a fact that no matter how hard I try, I often exhibit behaviors that could essentially classify me as a first-rate asshole. I find pleasure, on occasion, in other people's pain. If you read the blog, or know me personally, you're well aware of this fact - I make fun of people where I deem it essential to do so. I'm pretty convinced this is the reasoning behind the negative karma that manifests itself in my life.

I seem to experience negative karma in various ways. A few examples:

1. Never in my life have I been the recipient of a deal in airfare and I have flown a ton over the past 3 years especially.

2. No matter how hard I work, I can't seem to accomplish all of my work tasks in an 8-hour day. I am averaging 10 or so as of late.

3. Items that I find I absolutely need at a certain point in time are never on sale.

4. My life is utterly hopeless when it comes to relationships.


It seems, then, that I can feel confident knowing that my positive karma will be rewarded on the road. And for the time I spend in my car, I would say that's a pretty good thing. But on average, say once a month or so, I'd like for my positive karma to drop something different in my life, like a cheap plane ticket home for a wedding or an occassional sale on the items I need or, and this is a stretch, perhaps a short-lived but worthwhile relationship at some point in the next year. That's not asking for too much, is it?

Well, maybe it is. I mean, you can't have everything, right?

But maybe if I stop making fun of people, I can get one of the above four examples to work out.

Then again, I'm not sure it's worth it. I like making fun of people too much.

What planet are you on?

It's a sad day for Pluto. He's lost his mighty rank among the planets.

Apparently, the great scientists of the world feel it necessary to de-rank what we have come to know and love as planet number nine. Pluto is now considered a dwarf planet. I don't know what that means as I am not a scientist and never want to be. But my logic tells me if something's name includes the word "planet", it's still somewhat considered a planet. So I'm a little confused, but I digress.

In any case, I feel this is a sad day. I remember fondly back to 4th grade or so when we studied the planets. I remember because we learned the order of the planets by memorizing a crazy sentence where the first letter of each word coincided with the first letter of the planet's names.

My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Nepture, Pluto.

Excellent use of words this is. But now what? Now what will the setence read?

My very eager mother just served us:

nothing?

nectarines?

noodles?

I mean, it just doesn't seem right. What will 4th grade teachers do?

Better yet, what will we all do? 8 planets? It's just weird.